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Straining Vocally
Written on 06.14.04, at 1:35 am

Follwing Idina Menzel's less-than-stellar performance at the Tony's, I became inspired.

What follows is my take on "Defying Gravity," from the musical Wicked.

All lyrics copyright ME.

Straining Vocally
Something has changed in theater
Something is just not so
Women who shout and growl
Have fast become the status quo
Just look at Tonya Pinkins
As she takes the stage to preach
And now I'll blow my lungs out
Take a breath, and screech!

Iím belting out
And straining vocally
Dynamic marks
They are a joke to me
And you canít turn me down!

Canít I make you understand
Youíre having delusions of Merman...

Iím through with using headsets
To change the audio
My mic may be turned off
But when I sing youíd never know
Too long Iíve screamed and shouted
Showing off my iron voice
But playing to eight shows a week
It makes me kind of hoarse
I know that I
Am straining vocally
A Tony still
They did invoke to me
And Kristin was snubbed out!

Kristin Ė listen to me. Think of how you could sound Ė with my training.

Your voice becomes inaudible
When your larynx starts to
Look like three-bean casserole
Then, theyíll see the grand you

Just like Julie AndrewsÖ

Thereís no show we wonít be in
Just you and I
By straining vocally
Think Bernadette
As Annie Oakley

They canít escape the sound

Well? Are you warmed up?

I hope they hold up
Your vocal chords, I mean

Me too
Though itís a bit obscene

The way that you/I abuse them
Wonít be long until you/I lose them
I hope they donít get sore and spent

Just like the Broadway cast of RENT..

So come on out to hear me
Murder the treble clef
But donít expect a whole lot
By curtain call the audience is deaf
And if Iím sounding scratchy
Or if Iím sounding strained
Itís not great acting
I really am in pain
Itís all because
Iím straining vocally
Iím coughing up
Some nasty black debris
And soon Iíll sound a lot like Nell
And nobody, in NYC
Who pays a hundred bucks for me
Is ever going to think Iím swell!


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