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| Straining Vocally | ||||||||||||||||
| Written
on 06.14.04, at 1:35 am
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Follwing Idina Menzel's less-than-stellar performance at the Tony's, I became
inspired.
Straining Vocally
IDINA
Something has changed in theater Something is just not so Women who shout and growl Have fast become the status quo Just look at Tonya Pinkins As she takes the stage to preach And now I'll blow my lungs out Take a breath, and screech! I’m belting out And straining vocally Dynamic marks They are a joke to me And you can’t turn me down! KRISTIN Can’t I make you understand You’re having delusions of Merman... IDINA I’m through with using headsets To change the audio My mic may be turned off But when I sing you’d never know Too long I’ve screamed and shouted Showing off my iron voice But playing to eight shows a week It makes me kind of hoarse I know that I Am straining vocally A Tony still They did invoke to me And Kristin was snubbed out! (spoken) Kristin – listen to me. Think of how you could sound – with my training. (sung) Inaudible Your voice becomes inaudible When your larynx starts to Look like three-bean casserole Kristin Then, they’ll see the grand you KRISTIN Just like Julie Andrews… BOTH There’s no show we won’t be in Just you and I By straining vocally Think Bernadette As Annie Oakley IDINA They can’t escape the sound (spoken) Well? Are you warmed up? KRISTIN I hope they hold up Your vocal chords, I mean IDINA Me too Though it’s a bit obscene BOTH The way that you/I abuse them Won’t be long until you/I lose them I hope they don’t get sore and spent KRISTIN Just like the Broadway cast of RENT.. IDINA So come on out to hear me Murder the treble clef But don’t expect a whole lot By curtain call the audience is deaf And if I’m sounding scratchy Or if I’m sounding strained It’s not great acting I really am in pain It’s all because I’m straining vocally I’m coughing up Some nasty black debris And soon I’ll sound a lot like Nell And nobody, in NYC Who pays a hundred bucks for me Is ever going to think I’m swell!
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The Beginning of the End - 1:15 pm , 11.22.04 Brand Positioning - 2:13 am , 09.20.04 A Pop Culture Case Study - 9:24 pm , 08.26.04 ...in the mist - 1:17 am , 07.14.04 Checking Your Pulse - 1:12 am , 07.08.04 Tired of waiting for me to
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