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Fall Into the Crap
Written on 10.26.03, at 4:03 pm
dizboy’s disturbing daily diet…

2 Orange Mimosas

1 Salmon and Tomato Quiche

1 Gingerbread Latté

John Live*

*Not at all live…

It’s fall.

Well, as much as it can be fall in Florida.

Really, it’s about 85º, clear blue sky, and there’s a breeze.

The evenings have been dipping down to the low 70’s, which usually throws us Floridians into a jacket-clad panic.

As for me, I’ve donned some long sleeves…but that’s just because my math classroom is so darned cold. It’s difficult enough to stay awake in that class as it is, without the cold air lolling me to slumber.

Soon, the humidity will go away, and our “winter” will come along. Winter being the few days around December where we go into the 40’s…or, God forbid…lower.

But for now I’ve been focused on the fact that it’s now October. It’s trite, and cliché, I know, but this year really has flown by. I’m not sure why, but I always thought that my 25th year would be, well…a tad more interesting. But the year has mainly consisted of 6-packs of Stella Artois, reruns of ‘Family Guy’ on Cartoon Network, and the occasional bout of self-pity.

Interestingly enough, when the three come together, it’s sort of like a queer Archie Bunker. Me, drinking beer in a robe, or less, staring at the TV, and shouting things at random.

Ok, so perhaps it’s nothing like Archie Bunker.

All that aside, the most glaring sign that we’re nearing the end of 2003 is the fact that we’re well into the run of the 13th year of Halloween Horror Nights. Halloween is the busiest time of year at Universal, because it’s our flagship event.

Basically, it’s what we’re known for…doing Halloween, and doing it better than the other kitschy attractions in the area.

Because I’ve been going to Halloween Horror Nights since the very first year, the actual event has been a part of my life for 13 years, and more so, a part of my job for the last four. So, when you’re a part of the production team for an event like this, it’s not uncommon to find yourself doing a TV news segment like this.

Or this.

For anyone too confused or disgusted to understand, that’s me in a Plexiglas box, with both snakes, and giant beetles on my head.

You see, these aren’t the things that they put in job descriptions.

“Ok John, as a production coordinator, what you’ll be responsible for will be the planning and execution of production elements of all special events for the company. This position requires strong communication and organizational skills, a high level of expertise with computers and Microsoft applications, flexibility in schedule, the ability to work in a moderately stressful, rapidly changing environment, and occasionally allowing us to dump various reptiles and insects on your head for media purposes.”

“I’m sorry…what was that last part?”

“Hmm? Oh, nothing…sign here, please.”

So, yet another thing I can add to my work experiences.

I’ve squeezed my genitals at the Governor.

I’ve sat on a 4’x4’ square in the middle of a lake, loading enough pyro to blow up several large Buicks.

I’ve chatted with John Waters about the current state of footwear.

I’ve been chased by U.S. Secret Service Agents.

I’ve attended a school for stiltwalkers.

I’ve lived out a childhood dream of being on Nickelodeon.


Yeah…God help me if I ever have to get a real job.

I’ll leave you with something that’s both funny, and self-deprecating.

At brunch this morning, I was being…cranky, and everyone was quite over it.

Danny was going on about how great the new gelato place downtown is, and I couldn’t help but be sarcastic.

Danny: They can make anything you bring in into gelato!

John: Wooooooow…Maybe if you bring in vinegar, you could get some vinegar gelato!

Danny: Yeah, and if I bring in some asshole, I could have some John gelato.

Best. Friends. Forever.

Be well…


Your Host and Emcee...dizboy.

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