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I'm Comin' Out! (Part Two)
Written on 05.31.03, at 7:41 pm

dizboy's disturbing daily diet...

3 Boneless Chicken Wings

1/2 Pint Sweet Tea

2 Celery Sticks


John Live*

Post-coming-out ponderings...

*Not at all live... 


Not that I'm one for the dramatic, but I sort of liked the cliffhanger-esque quality of my previous entry.

Diving right into it....

Last night, I made out with Wilson Cruz's brother.

Ok, so that has nothing to do with my telling my parents that I'm gay, but it's an interesting little anecdote nonetheless, don't you think?

Right, so...this morning, when I woke up, I decided "Today...I'll tell my parents I'm a weenie-touching booty-poking homosexual."

In not so many words.

You see, they were to be in town today, as my mother was flying back from New York, having spent an extra week there fixing up our place for the summer, as my grandmother lives there now. 

My parents had been on a three-week cruise of the Caribbean, Mexico, and the East Coast, up to Martha's Vineyard, and finally docking in New York City. 

This was in celebration of their thirty-something-th wedding anniversary...35, maybe? I've stopped counting.

Regardless, my father flew back to their home in south Florida immediately, while mum stayed back for a while.

Today, she flew in to Orlando, and Dad came to pick her up, making it necessary for them to have lunch with me. 

And for some reason, today was the day.

My friend asked me, "So, why May 31st?"

There's no answer, really...just one of those times where I had a whim, and decided to act upon it. 

I got up.

I got dressed.

I got nervous.

I knew that they were on their way, but I wasn't quite sure how I was going to handle it. 

Wracking my brain for the necessary protocol, I could think of nothing...do I casually bring it up while they're talking about their vacation?

"Yes, right...wonderful...cruise ship, right. You know, lots of cruise ships are built in Scotland I'm gay."

"What? Oh, sorry, yes, I meant Italy, not Scotland."

That wouldn't work.

Do I take a hard stance, like a mobster of the 1920's?

"All right, listen, see...I'm gonna be gay, and you's guys is gonna like it, see?"

No dice there either. 

I could answer the door in a custom-tailored Vivienne Westwood cocktail gown, bedecked in jewels, and caked in makeup. 

"Welcome to my gracious drawing room..."

But I had not the gown, nor the time for all that shaving. 

Perhaps I could answer the door with a can of Budweiser in one hand, a plate of venison in the other, and say,

"Look guys, a beer, a deer, and a queer!"

I think the rapier wit would possibly be lost on them.

Adam had a good idea...

"You could tell them through interpretive dance."

That could have worked...

"Mom, Dad...Twyla and I have something to tell you."

But alas, what it ended up being was a rushed heaping of words that I nearly vomited out.

Honestly, I thought I was going to throw up...we had just eaten lunch, and the chicken wings were sitting heavy in my stomach.

They were on the papisan, watching me, and dressed alike.

Both had on yellow shirts, and black pants.

I thought...

"Great...I'm about to come out to a Honey Nut Cheerios box."

I remember saying, "There's something I need to talk to you guys about."

Following that, I really don't remember what I said, just that my hands were shaking, my heart was pounding, and I had taken a sudden profound interest in the scuff marks on my Doc Marten's.

In hindsight, I think that while speaking, my mind was racing to think of the best way to dive out of a third-story window, and land somewhat safely.

I got it all out, in a surge of vowels and consonants, which at some point came together to form the phrase,

"I'm Gay."

I became cognitive again, and realized that they were just staring at me, slack-jawed. My mother looked like she was getting a pelvic exam from a snowman, and my father had this odd smirk on his face.

There was silence, and part of me wanted to add,

"AND MARY (my sister) SMOKES AND DOES DRUGS!"

But, being the good person that I am, I didn't feel it would be right to throw my sister under the bus just to take some heat off me.

Pressure of speech forced me to say something, so I said,

"I figured you might already have an idea."

I mean, look at me.

I found it more than a little creepy that my father was smiling.

I impressed upon them this fact...

"I am a normal person."

Mom finally broke the silence.

"No...we didn't...is, what...did something make you this way?"

Oh Mother...how many years of medical school hath you?

"Nothing made me this way, it's just...I'm still...ok, it's who I am."

My father was still smiling.

She spoke again,

"How long have you known?"

"Since puberty...probably even before."

Mom and I went back and forth, she hitting me with all the ubiquitous questions I had anticipated, and I responding with pre-meditated answers.

Thankfully, I had thought about what they'd say beforehand, because were I to have to wing it while looking at Dad's weird smirk, I'd have lost it.

After going through this barrage with my mother, Dad finally spoke.

"Well, I'm happy you told us."

Lord, finally.

At least something was going my way...in my mind, I had always anticipated my father being very cool about the whole thing.

Which he was...I wonder if maybe he did have some idea, but was (wisely) letting my mother speak for both of them.

Once the initial shock wore off, we got down to details.

I impressed upon them this fact...

"I am a normal person."

They...well, my Mom...Dad still sat there with his little grin...I was beginning to wonder if there was something that I wasn't getting.

I was asked about my relationship status, drugs, "friends" they had met, and much more...

The standard questions came up, just like in the movies...

"How long have you been this way?"

"Was it something we did?"

"Are you always going to be like this?"

"Does this have something to do with being adopted?"

-Since my first blowjob.

-You shouldn't have bought me Phantom Of The Opera for Christmas when I was a child.

-Until I can master the art of auto-fellatio.

-What??

That last one got me...I wasn't sure where she wanted to go with that question, but I think she was just clutching at straws.

She must have asked five times "Was this something abnormal that we (my parents) did?"

I impressed upon them this fact...

"I am a normal person."

My father started laughing at her, making it this strange dynamic in the room...She was tense and confused, I was ready to bolt, and he was just...giddy?

Perhaps it's currently en vogue at the club to have a gay son.

Regardless, we got through it, and I heard what I had been hoping for...

"Well, this is going to take a while to sink in, but you're still our son, and we still love you..."

I promised myself I wouldn't cry.

And I didn't.

"John...I knew I'd always love you from the second they put you in my arms..."

Except for after she said that.

My father concurred, and they both listened intently as I gave them a little card with PFLAG's website, and their Orlando chapter phone number on it.

Following that, I opened the floor up for final questions, which there were none.

I knew that it was a little bit of a shock for them, but I had never, ever anticipated their not having any clue...

24 years old, never brought a girlfriend home, pretty good dresser, great hair, works in entertainment, and has a flair for the theatrical ...?

Helen Keller could have figured that out, even in her pre-Anne Sullivan days.

On their way out the door, I made them promise that they would look up the information, and call me if they wanted to talk about it again.

So now, here I am...finally a full-fledged gay person.

Nick is impressing upon me his suggestion of writing "I CAME OUT!" in shoe polish on my rear window.

I'm not too keen on it, but I have to say, it is an interesting feeling...liberating, almost.

Like when you finally pay off that $1300 Saks account.

I'm not sure exactly what I'm supposed to do now, but I can tell you one thing, Nick and I have been dancing around the apartment, gesticulating wildly, singing along to, and blasting Diana Ross' I'm Coming Out.

I impress upon you this fact...

"I am a normal person."

Be well...

-JOHN-


Your Host and Emcee...dizboy.

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