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WWCD - What Would Corwin Do?
Written on 2002-09-27, at 11:28 p.m.

dizboy's disturbing daily diet...

1 Roast Beef Sandwich, on Challah

2 Pieces Flank Steak

2 Pieces Ginger Soy Chicken

1 Piece Roast Turkey

1 Piece Roast Pork

3 Teriyaki Chicken Wings

4 Fried Wantons 

3 Slices Pineapple in Caramel Sauce

Mmm....Hawaiian buffet...

John Live*

*Not at all live...

I've become quite lackadaisical lately about my updates.

No! Really?

Yes, I know...though in all honesty, there's not been much to report on the John front.

I bought a new TV.

It's pretty.

And silver.


Much bigger than my previous one, which I believe was fabricated in the late 1800's by Hasbro.

Was Hasbro even around back then?

Anyway, it's big, it's beautiful, and I love it.

Oh, and I met someone.

A she.

Her name...Isidore.

And boy, does she make me wet.

No, really...soaked...Isidore is a hurricane.

It's actually passed Florida already, but we're getting nasty residual bands of storms from her.

Which hit as I was on an event the other night, and the sky just opened up.


Then, WET.

No warning, no slow buildup of rain, just a torrential downpour, as if someone had just turned on some huge cosmic spigot. .

It was just like that scene from Flashdance.

And I was Jennifer Beals.

But then again, aren't we all?

Last night, I was driving to a friends house to watch the "Must See TV Thursday" shows.

Like you do.

It's dark, I'm singing "Pretty Women", from Sweeney Todd, and I'm on Interstate 4.

And I notice something moving across my windshield. 

Upon closer inspection, I see that it is, in fact, a spider.

A spider, about the size of...oh, let's say an Oreo.

Speaking of Oreos...for some reason, when talking about someone's nipples the other day, I pronounced "aureoles" as "Oreoles"

Honest mistake...they're both associated closely with milk.


Ok, so, there's this large, translucent spider creeping across my windshield, and I think to myself...

"Ok...what would Jeff Corwin do?"

The thought of Jeff Corwin made my thoughts drift, and as I sped through the intersection of Fantasy street, and Dirty Mind Boulevard, I realized that the spider was now, nowhere to be seen.

Nervous, I started glancing around, wondering where it had gone.

While glancing around, the spikes of my hair brushed the ceiling, which felt like something had just jumped into my hair.

Screaming, I jerked forward violently to rid myself of the phantom assailant.

Causing me to bang my forehead on my cow-print steering wheel.

Did I mention I was still going 70mph?

I was.

Feeling like an imbecile, I was still unsure as to the whereabouts of the spider...

Until he crawled out of wherever he had been hiding to see what all the ruckus was about.

Upon seeing him, I snatched up the single flip flop which lives in the backseat of my car, apparently for just such a situation, and with one fell swoop, splattered him across my windshield.

Directly in my line of vision.

So for the rest of the drive, I had this lovely view of a dripping spider carcass to deal with.

But it was ok...

Jeff Corwin...Jeff Corwin...Jeff Corwin...

Be well...


Your Host and Emcee...dizboy.

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