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Dear Diary...Happy Birthday.
Written on 2002-07-06, at 10:12 p.m.

dizboy's disturbing daily diet...

1 Chik-Fil-A Chicken Biscuit

1 Order Hash Browns

1 Large Sweet Tea

2 Slices Cheese Pizza

1 Order Nachos

1 Bag Sour Patch Watermelons

1/2 Bag Popcorn


John Live*

"I can't believe a year went by so fast...."

*Not at all live...


Well, this is it.

My 180th entry, and my anniversary entry...

It's about 10pm, EST, and I have to be up in about 6 hours.

Kind of interesting that exactly one year ago, I found myself typing that very same line.

But..."That's 4am!", you say.

Yes, yes it is.

Because you see, even though much has changed in the course of a year, I still have "Employee Sado-Masochism Disorder".

This is actually something that I wasn't prepared for.

Usually, a year is a year is a year...

But when you have something like this...you see it, you see it all...

July 6th, 2001...July 6th, 2002

If you're a fairly regular updater, you can go to your Older Entries, and there it is.

A whole year of your life.

A whole year of entries.

So many entries that no one could pick their favorite.

So I'll just assume that they're all spectacular...even this one.

The most interesting thing is that we put it out there, for people to see.

Perhaps more interesting, to me at least...is that people like it.

They take notice, they become a part of your life...

I don't know how to explain it, but I think a lot of you know what I mean.

A year ago, I didn't think this would last, I thought I'd throw a few things out there in cyberspace, get tired, and go back to the PlayStation2.

Only, I didn't have one yet.

But here I am, living my life, and always in the back of my mind thinking, "Hmm, this would be funny to write about..."

One year ago I had a part-time job at Gap, I was in school, and I didn't have a boyfriend.

Currently, I have a full-time job at Universal, I've taken the summer off (back in the Fall), and oh...I still don't have a boyfriend.

But there are other things as well...I've stopped smoking altogether, and I've joined a gym.

Well, there have to be more than two things...anyhow...

I look back over last year, and wonder just where it went. 

I turned 23 last year.

And less than a month later, I sat up at 5am on September 11th, planning exactly how I thought the following school day was going to go.

And then, as it turned out...I was very wrong.

I had my Thanksgiving dinner with gay men, and a drag queen.

I survived a Christmas in the world of retail.

Looking back on New Years is now a sad memory for me, since I've realized that it was the last real hurrah for my group of friends.

It was the last time we were all together, and the last time that we put aside any petty differences, just to have fun.

Of course no one really knew it then.

Shortly afterwards, Bob moved back to Chicago, which, though I never really let on, tore me up inside.

Bobby was the glue that held our entire group together.

I don't think that his leaving was necessarily the catalyst for the dynamic change in all of us, but it was definately a part of it.

Dan is moving very soon, like...within a week.

I don't know what I'm going to do then...I've intentionally been avoiding him for months now, ever since he made up his mind to move back to L.A. after graduation.

I suppose I'll just think about that line from "Lilo and Stitch"....

"I remember everyone who leaves..."

Danny has a boyfriend now, and seems to be totally content, making me feel very uncomfortable to be around him anymore.

And Cesar is just...well...Cesar. He loves the clubs...I don't, so I see very little of him.

It's very difficult to force yourself to grow up, and I think I've done that in the past year.

Maybe I needed it, maybe it was too soon...but only time will tell that.

Not to make this a dull, introspective entry...good things have of course happened...

I found a cat.

But he ran away.

I got a phone number.

But he just wanted a "rebound guy."

Hmm, well...at least I got laid a few times.

In all honesty, though it sounds like I'm bitching and moaning, I like my life, I like my job, I like where I'm headed.

I like this site...It's meant a lot to me...

I've met some of the greatest people ever...really, I have.

And I just want to thank a few of them...now, realize that this is me, and I'm an idiot, so I'm definitely going to leave some people out...please understand that this is not intentional....

Roy, you introduced me to Diaryland...I'm sure that my once normal sleeping habits would like to have a few words with you.

Ian, you were the second Diaryland person that I had met in real life, and the first one that I had known solely from the site. Also, I let you use my Gap discount.

Adam, how to condense this year? You bought something from my Gap, we all had a party, you dropped out of school a few times, we made fun of Britney Spears' movie, I became disgusted when you showed me your collection of termite wings, and then I confiscated your Rufus Wainwright CD.

Tracy, you've somehow become the dizboy field agent for South Florida. Please assure to everyone down there that I'm really not at all interesting. Also, I'm terrible to watch live theater with.

Spencer, I feel like I'm watching you grow up, and despite the fact that it makes me feel very old and creepy, I'm proud of you.

Birin, you've gone from red, to blue. Personally, I think it was a good choice. And I'm sure that Moiraine would agree.

Alex, you made me my first real layout...which I neatly ruined by trying to re-work it on my own. I still owe you lunch...next time I'm in New York, I promise...

Terry, Steve and Dan, I don't know where you've all gone, but I hope you're all doing well there in the Empire State.

Kerry, whatever it was that I did, I'm sorry.

Daniel, you're one of my favorite people ever, and I don't care that you suck at Scrabble...er, Literari.

Matt and Jason, you two give me hope for the future...I really wish you both many happy years to come.

Jeremy, you're too young to be so smart...please don't grow up too fast.

Mel, I'll start eating better...I promise.

And finally, Nick...in the short time we've known each other you've managed to figure out most of what makes me tick....And I hate that about you. You know that "Being Alive" sounds awful as a trio, you know how to interpret a pantomime of a fat woman drinking gravy out of a masons jar, you know that people from Iowa should stay out of the Florida sun, you know how to make me feel better, you know how to make me cry, and most of all, you know me.

So for everyone I may have left out, and for everyone who reads this little thing I call a diary, thanks.

Thanks for taking some sort of interest in the life of someone you know by words only.

Thanks for making me feel like I'm actually doing something that's making people happy.

Thanks for humoring me when I go a little insane.

And thanks for reading...there's definitely more to come.

But for now...

Be well...

-JOHN-


Your Host and Emcee...dizboy.

Prodigal Son - 11:03 pm , 11.20.06

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