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It's a Gay World After All
Written on 2002-05-30, at 7:45 p.m.
dizboy's disturbing daily diet...

1/2 Can Honey Roasted Peanuts

3 Liters Water

1 Boston Market 1/4 Chicken

1 Side Mashed Potatoes

1 Side Macaroni and Cheese

1 Piece Cornbread

1 Metabo-Rx Protien Bar (Blech!)

John Live*

Perhaps, tomorrow night at Beach Ball, no one will notice that I'm severely peeling.

In the same vein of "perhaps no one will notice that I do not have size 42 triple D breasts."

*Not at all live

It's raining.

And do you know why it's raining?

It's raining because I have plans this weekend.

It hasn't rained for...oh, about a month here in Orlando.

And just as I was getting used to having straw as a yard, we get a torrential downpour.

The past month or so, 90+ degrees has been the norm, but just as we roll into the gayest of all weekends, the sky opens up, and floods Orlando.

Was this a sign from above, an attempt to cleanse the town of the heathenistic homosexuals?

No, just a good excuse to have a Foam Party, I imagine.

Let's get soakin' wet...


So here we are, Thursday evening, on the brink of Gay Weekend, the culmination of a week of gay gallivanting here in town.

Come Saturday, there will be thousands upon thousands of gay men wearing little red shirts, prancing about Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom, and generally frightening the unfortunate heterosexual guests who have stumbled upon the park on that day.

For those of you who are not well schooled in this Orlando tradition, I shall enlighten you.

Here is the history as I know it...

Back in 1991, a group of people who knew each other through an online bulletin board decided that after a long time of only knowing each other through the computer, they decided that they'd all like to meet.

It was decided to open up the meeting to as many people as possible, through computer BBS's (Bulletin Board Sites), and word of mouth.

For all who wanted to meet, the idea came about that everyone there for the event should wear a red shirt, to make it easier for everyone to recognize each other.

The meeting day was the first Saturday in June that year, and the place was a little known theme park called "Disney".

By estimations, which possibly have been fudged over the years, there were about 2500 people at that first Gay "Day".

Now, eleven years later, that one day with less than three-thousand people has snowballed into a week-long Bacchanalian party drawing between one-hundred fifty, to two-hundred thousand people to the area annually.

And though it's turned into the equivalent of a seven-day circuit party, the one thing that has always remained the same is that on the first Saturday in June, if you go to the Magic Kingdom...

You'd better know what you're getting yourself into.

Whew...ok...that almost sounded like a news article.

But it wasn't...I was trying to be neutral.

But just for the history.

Here's the good part.

Depending on the type of person you are, Gay Days can either be the most incredible, or the most irritating week of the year.

Come Saturday, I'll be celebrating my sixth year participating in the festivities.

So, I think I have a little bit experience in dealing with these events.

The first thing to remember is that no one year is the same.

No matter what, it's always insane, yes...but in a different way.

The week usually begins with me welcoming friends from out of town to Orlando for the week...

...and usually ends, as it has the past two years, with me so over everyone I know.

I believe that a choice quote from two years ago was...

"Ok, LISTEN...all of you (about 15 people)! Dan and I are going over there to smoke a cigarette. When we return, none of you will still be here, understand?"

Some of the Pre-Saturday memories from years past have included being nose-high in foam with faceless strangers fondling any slippery part of my body they could get their hands on, Meeting Peter Paige (Emmett, from Queer as Folk), being shoved unceremoniously by Danny out of a picture with Peter Paige, organizing a group of about fifty people to go see "Moulin Rouge", and of course, wisely staying up all night before heading out to the park.

Which brings me to the next part.

What time to arrive.

Regardless of what time you state that you will arrive at the Magic Kingdom, you will never, ever get there until approximately two to three hours after you've planned.

This is partially because everyone goes out the night before, and gets obliterated on alcohol, partially because everyone stays up all night before, and partially because homosexuals tend to exist on their own personal systems of chronology, where time is not measured in hours and minutes, but in outfits, and hairstyles.

In my case, the morning usually begins with me waking up, and attempting to rouse the lifeless bodies of the soon-to-be-hungovers, and to round up the remainder of those who have either:

A) Remained drunk, and wandered somewhere in my apartment complex, or

B) Made "special friends" the evening prior.

Hours later, once everyone has spent the appropriate amount of time in the bathroom, and donned their red shirts, it's finally time to depart.

The ride to Disney is usually hit or miss.

Personally, this usually depends on my mood.

I can either be incredibly petty and standoffish, being in a convertible and complaining about what the wind is doing to my hair...

Or I can be excited and pleasant, waving at all the gay boys in cars, also en route to what, just for one day, becomes the "Gayest Place on Earth".

Approaching the property is always a true treat as well.

You see...the Christian Coalition have their own Gay Days traditions.

They like to set up along the main stretch heading into Disney property, holding up signs quoting Bible verses, and such catchy slogans as "You Could Learn From Mickey and Minnie", apparently implying that the monogamous heterosexual coupling between two fictional characters should be the benchmark of the American values system.

I suppose.

When we see them, that's when I enjoy slowing down just enough to let them read my bumper sticker, which reads:

"To Hell With The Baptists, I'm Going to Disney!"

That'll, um...teach 'em.

Once you arrive at the parking lot, you're instantly overcome by waves upon waves of red clad, heterosexually-challenged men and women.

This trend continues long into the day, while in the park itself, red manifesting itself in every possible outfit imaginable.

Much later, on Saturday evening, the masses break up, heading to the after parties of their choice.

Come tomorrow, I'll be en route to Beach Ball 2002, ready to spend my evening with a few thousand gay men in little bathing suits, frolicking about Typhoon Lagoon.

Saturday, I'll most likely end up at the Magic Kingdom for a few hours.

And Sunday...

Ooooh, Sunday.

Sunday, I'll be working the Mark Baker "Stars Party", which is a party for about 5000+ people at Universal Studios Islands of Adventure, lasting well into the night.

Why am I working, and not attending?

Well, the way I see it is this...

I can pay $85 to go, and not have anyone pay attention to me, or...

I can get paid more than that, and not have anyone pay attention to me.

So, this year, my plans are to keep everything pretty low-key.

And by low-key, of course I mean partying with thousands of friends at Disney, dancing to gay anthem music at Universal, and strutting around a water park half naked until 3am.

Be well...


Your Host and Emcee...dizboy.

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