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Call Me Call Me Anytime....
Written on 2002-05-19, at 10:57 a.m.
dizboy's disturbing daily diet...

1 16oz. Orange Juice

2 Krispy Kreme Donuts (Fresh Hot Now)

And a lot of candy, used as bribery to get me to an 8am meeting.


John Live*

This is my "Oh my GOD, I can't believe he called!" face.

Coincidentally, it's also my "I'm about to have the goofiest orgasm, ever" face.

*Not at all live


He called.

Like...no, really...he called.

I didn't think he would, I was miserable the past two days.

But it was all for nothing.

"Dude, you're sweatin' this like a little bitch."

Nate said, in all his infinite wisdom.

But this morning, just as the team meeting of Gap #4406 was wrapping up, something began vibrating near my waist.

Normally, in the privacy of my own home, that would be fine, but here it was not even 11am yet, and I was wondering which one of my friends lost the will to live and decided to call me before noon on a Sunday.

Well, turns out it could have been 6am, because he called.

Ok, wait...you all have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?

Let me set this up.

On Friday afternoon I was at the Nickelodeon studios for the filming of "Slime Time Live."

Sad to say, though I work around the production facility all the time, I couldn't tell you too much about the show, as I had never seen it before that day.

Well, on the day in question, I was there with Sponge Bob Squarepants for the grand finale of "Sponge Bob Squarepants Appreciation Week."

Yeah, I didn't really get that part either...but that's not the point.

I went over to the studio before filming with one of the Production supervisors from my department in order to drop off Sponge Bob's costume.

It's a big sponge.

While we were there, we ran into this...well, I don't know how to describe him, but he looked like he had just stepped off the pages of an Abercrombie advertisment. He was wearing a Gap hat, and a French Connection shirt that left just enough to the imagination.

And...he was talking to me.

I was so busy looking that I had no idea what he said, but instead of introducing myself, or asking what he did around the studio, I said...

"Could we get a few bottles of water in my Talent's dressing room? They'll probably need it."

Hey, way to have a power trip there, John.

He was very accomodating, and seemed nice enough.

We turned to walk back to pick up our performers, when my manager says to me...

"Well, someone was really workin' it."

What? I thought, giving her a quizzical look.

"What did I do?" I asked, as I automatically asume that every nuance of my persona when faced with an attractive male is wrong.

"Not you," she said..."him."

"What are you talking about?" I said, oblivious as usual to the world around me.

"John, he glanced at me once as like a 'Oh, you're here too'...the rest of the time he was talking directly to you, I wasn't even there."

I still don't think that that was the case at all, but as I've recently realized, it's nothing to do with my ability to get along with people I'm attracted to, it's the fact that I'm totally oblivious to the world around me when it comes to relationships.

Cut to later in the day, we're back at Nickelodeon studios, and I'm with my performers.

We've just been informed that our segment won't be for another two and a half hours.

Lovely.

The producer invited us to stand on the set and watch the filming, but I was the only one who seemed to want to do that.

I walked onto the set just as they started to bring the audience on, and I suddenly felt incredibly nostalgic.

Imagine...if you will, or if you had cable growing up...

I watched Nickelodeon from just about Day 1. I still remember when they first came on the air, with shows like Pinwheel, Today's Special, Danger Mouse, and You Can't Do That On Television.

I remember when at 8pm, they would go off the air, and boring public access shows would start.

I grew up on this network, I watched Clarissa explain it all, I had a crush on the boys from Roundhouse (Whenever my life gets me so down, I know I can go down...).

And then all of a sudden I'm involved with the production of a show seen by millions of children all over the world.

It was just an incredible feeling, like everything had come full circle in some way that I can't really describe.

Oh...the boy...

So, when I got to the set, I see that they have a DJ for the episode that day, since it was supposed to be some underwater beach party.

Well, it turns out that the DJ is one that we use for events all the time, and his partner (business, not life) who we use is there as well.

So we just decided to sit back, grab something from the craft services table, and relax during the shoot.

Well, before shooting starts, the mysterious boy from earlier appears.

He's a talent coordinator for the show, which means he deals with all the celebrities and VIP's that are there for the taping.

This particular day, we had Tom Kenny, who you may know from "Mr. Show With Bob and David", he's the skinny guy...very funny, and he's been in a ton of other things as well.

Well, he's the voice of Sponge Bob, as well as Patchie the Pirate, who is at the beginning of every episode, singing the theme song.

He's on the set doing his thing, and everyone on the sidelines is just sitting back and relaxing.

Since there was nothing to do, I decided to strike up a conversation with this person who was supposedly flirting with me.

Now, at this point, I really didn't even think that he was gay, I just thought that he was a nice guy who was being nice and answering the barrage of questions I was throwing at him.

We ended up talking for the better part of the show, and once it came time for my performers to do their thing, we got it done, and that was that.

So...my talent and I are back in the dressing room, and I had to bring the release form back to the producer.

I walk back to the set, drop off the paperwork, and say goodbye to my DJ friends.

Just to be nice, I sought out Mr. Hot Talent Coordinator, and thanked him for his help, and said...

"I hope I get to work with you again."

Which is about as deep into flirting as I know how to get.

Walking back to the dressing room, I didn't even give him a second thought, as that meeting was all I assumed it to be, just someone I met.

Well...here's the "Teen Movie Scene" of the story...

I'm just about back to the dressing room, when I see him come around the corner...

"Hey..." he says.

"Yeah?" I reply.

And then it all happened, in slow motion.

His right hand is extending toward me, with a folded up piece of paper in it...

I don't know what to do, and I look up at him as he says...

"Hey, um...here's my number, in case you, well, would like to get together sometime, just, hang out, or something."

"Oh, thanks...that's great." I said, wasting twenty three years of intellect on four simple syllables.

To make myself seem like a starry-eyed ingenue from a 1950's movie, I don't think that my feet touched the ground the entire way back to my office.

I walked in the door to the office, walked up to my supervisor from earlier, and slapped the number down on her desk.

"NO!" she said.

"Yes." I cooly replied.

And then, it happened.

The stupidest thing I could have done.

I called him.

Mere hours after he gave me his number, I'm on the phone, dialing it.

Oh, it gets better...

He doesn't answer.

So, I start to leave a message.

"Hi...hi, this..this is John, from Entertainment Production, today...we worked together today on...the show. Well, I was wondering if you wanted to maybe grab dinner, or...something, or do...something...tonight. Like, after you're off...Ok, well, my...my office number is _______, and my cell number is _______, in case...in case I've already left for the day...ok, well, bye for now!"

Are you uncomfortable right now?

You should be.

I cringe just looking at the transcript of that.

I regretted it immediately, and I wished that there were some way I could call back and delete the message, like many E-mail servers will do as long as they haven't been read.

Like, the time that one of my supervisors mistakenly sent an E-mail who's body was simply...

LESBIAN!LESBIAN!LESBIAN!

...to our senior creative manager, and afterwards managed to successfully retrieve it without it being read.

But I couldn't do that.

All I could do was go home.

Friday...

Waiting...waiting...waiting...

No call.

Ok, maybe he already had plans...it was late scheduling anyway.

Saturday...

All...day...beating...myself...up...

No call.

I knew it.

I had surpassed all previous records.

I was now sabotaging relationships before they were even that.

Having fallen into a deep despair, I decided to cut my losses, and move on, when I found myself wrapping up a store meeting this morning at Gap...

And, I think that's where we started.

He called, I told him I'd call him right back when I got out of the store, he explained to me that he got my message very late, his phone had been off as he was moving all weekend, and asked if I'd still be interested in getting together sometime this week.

Would I still be interested in getting together sometime this week?

Without sounding too incredibly giddy, I just said...

"I'll call you."

Be well...

-JOHN-


Your Host and Emcee...dizboy.

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