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West Palm Preach
Written on 2002-04-09, at 12:15 a.m.
dizboy's disturbing daily diet...

1 King-Sized Snickers

1 12oz. Coke

1 Big Grab Doritos

1 20oz. Coke

4 Slices Meat Lovers Pizza

1/2 Bottle Gatorade

1/4 Cigarette

I'm just waiting for the day one of you sets a nutritionist upon me.

John Live*

Did you know that Yellow has always been my favorite color?

*Not at all live


I can't believe it.

I get to sit.

I get to rest.

I get to take a breath.

I have nowhere to be tomorrow until 3pm.

It's been a long, stressful weekend for me, but for the most part, it's over.

Friday after school I drove down to West Palm Beach (which, incidentally, is on the East coast) to see Palm Beach Atlantic College's production of the musical "Footloose".

Starring, Lindsay.

Ok, so she wasn't the star, per se...but she's the only person I knew in the show.

And you know, she's just so gosh-durned purty.

So, Tracy and I met up late Friday afternoon to prepare for an evening of musical theater bliss.

Why was Tracy there, you ask?

Well, she owns the school or something.

Oh...the school.

Let me tell you about the school.

And let me preface this by saying to all the lovely people that go there who may be reading this, I think it's a good school, the campus is just lovely, the values they instill are very honorable, if just slightly askew...

But it's definately not a school for me.

You see, it's a private, christian college.

I'm too lazy to do this part of the research, but I believe it's Baptist-affiliated. If I'm wrong, someone let me know.

The atmosphere around the school is very...tense.

To say the least.

You're required to go to at least 24, umm...I forget the name...but for all intents and purposes, religious lectures on sociological issues.

The upcoming one, which everyone seemed quite excited about was something to the effect of:

"The Power of Porn."


Mary Magdeline, eat your heart out.

I was told that certain students, namely those who would like to be student advisors, a sort of peer mentoring role, are asked to sign a contract which states that they will not "consume alcohol, smoke, take drugs, engage in sex out of marriage, engage in sex with a parter of the same sex, will not get pregnant, will not sacrifice infants to strengthen the unholy power of Xerxes in their dorms..."

And so on.

I know that this is pretty boilerplate for the majority of protestant faith based schools, and from what I'm told, Palm Beach Atlantic is fairly liberal in their procedures.

The whole atmosphere had me a little uncomfortable in the first place, but it came to a head when we were seated in the theater (in GREAT seats, I might add, provided by the goddess of stage management, Elizabeth) and I heard the woman directly behind me talking to someone about her son being into drama..

"Well, I'm sure you know that this is not the way we saw his college career going, but this is the path that Jesus has led him to, so I'll have to accept his will and put my faith in him."

Now, you can take this bet if you like, but I'm willing to put good odds on the idea that the "his", and "him", weren't pronouns for her son.

This made me blurt out to Tracy:

"Wow, this place is so...God fearing."

The show began, and I have to admit...

**Confessional Time**

I really wasn't expecting a lot.

College show.

College musical.

College musical with a lot of dancing.

Not always a great recipe.

But in all honesty, these kids (kids, like I'm 45) blew me away.

The amount of talent in that school is amazing.

They have vocalists, and dancers, and actors.

No, not people who sing, people who can move, and people who can read...

But honest-to-goodness talent.

I loved it.

Now, forgive me for not remembering names, but the Playbill is back in my office at Universal...

A few people that really stick out (besides Lindsay, of course) are the guy who played Reverend Shaw, and the three girls who make up Ariel's posse.

The one playing Rev. Shaw, in addition to being a great singer and actor, busts out with about 40 seconds worth of fouettes in the finale without batting an eyelash.

And the girls who play Rusty, Wendy Jo, and Urleen need to finish school as quickly as possible, because there are Broadway shows with their names all over them.

So, the show was great. I laughed, I cried, it was better than CATS.

Ok, so I didn't cry.

But it was still better than CATS.

After the show, I remembered that I was still in this rigidly Christian school, and while waiting backstage, I suddenly felt very aware of people looking at me oddly, like they could almost sense the homosexuality oozing out of the tips of my finely manicured fingers.

And the thing that was the strangest to me was that most of the males in the show seemed averse to even make eye contact with me. Now, the rule of averages, coupled with the fact that it's a Theater department, tripled with my outstanding Gaydar tells me that there are undoubtably some Dorothy-lovers at this school. But no one would look at me, or talk to me more than a "hello".

It was like I was some sort of double-agent, who would turn on them at any time...

"Well, the show was just teriffic, I mean really great. I think that my favorite part was...FAGGOT!!!FAGGOT!!!COME ON BOYS, I FOUND ONE!"

Though I joke about it, I feel bad for people in that type of situation, where their environment makes them absolutely terrified to come out of the closet.

As my favorite saying goes...

"He's so far in the closet that he'll reach Narnia soon."

Don't get it?

Go do a Google Search for C.S. Lewis.

One thing I did find out by talking to people is that PBA's theater department has a pretty big claim to fame.

They're referenced as a question in "Trivial Pursuit: Genus V."

"How?" you ask.

The question goes something like this:

Q: "What musical's title did a college in South Florida censor for inappropriate language?"

A: "Damn Yankees"

Or, as it's listed in the school's records...

"D$*# Yankees"

Yet they allowed all the profanity in the actual script of the show to go on, as well as all the profanity in "Footloose."

And what's on schedule for next season?

"The Beautiful-Flower-of-God-Which-Must-Not-Blossom-Until-Marriage Monologues."

Be well...


Your Host and Emcee...dizboy.

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