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Mechanically Declined
Written on 2002-03-20, at 12:20 p.m.
dizboy's disturbing daily diet...

1/2 Pint Orange Juice

But hey, it's only Noon.

John Live*

Nick is visiting, and he's contracted some horrible tropical disease, causing me to play the role of "Doctor dizboy".

Notice the bowl of chicken soup on the left.

Modern. Medical. Marvel.

*Not at all live

Well, Nick is here for Spring Break, a supposed week of rest, relaxation, and Disney.


As mentioned above, he's caught something, my clinical diagnosis is leprosy, and has felt under the weather since last night.

With the exception of that, we've had a good week so far.

On Monday, we did the Disney gauntlet, dashing from park to park, trying to squeeze in everything that people set aside two full weeks of their lives to do in just one short day.

Though, for all intents and porpoises (GOD that's funny to me...), we did everything that we set out to do, and more.

We saw lions, and tigers, and...er, well, no bears...

Nick screamed like a little girl in the "It's Tough to be a Bug" show, when the spiders came down from the ceiling, making that possibly the most entertaining part of the day.

On Sunday night I took him to the Parliament House for their world famous drag show, where we reveled to the sights of men in dresses all evening.

One of the drag queens was doing her number, and it was obvious she was trying to make up for her complete lack of talent by flailing her limbs, and kicking as much as possible, prompting what was unquestionably the best quote of the night from Carly...

"Well, she's got lots of energy, and it's possible she may or may not have taken taekwondo at some point."

Ah Carly...always looking for the silver lining.

I have just returned from a short trip of running errands, one of which was stopping by Radio Shack for a new headset for my 2-way radio at work.

The reason I need a new one is because someone broke mine.

And though I know I sound petty, I really don't think he should have been using it in the first place. It's something I stick in my ear, I don't want someone else using, and sweating all over it.

That's like using someone's toothbrush.

Anyway, so I'm at Radio Shack, shelling out $20 out-of-pocket for a headset which may or may not work, and I had an idea.

While I was there, I should buy the necessary parts to fix my car.

So after completing my purchase, I walked out to the parking lot, where I was, in all my testosterone laden man-ness, thoroughly prepared to repair my car with my bare hands.

And by repair my car with my bare hands, of course I mean replace the fuse that blew in my horn.

Which I attempted to do.

I opened the fuse box, located the dead fuse, and in all my mechanical magnificence pushed the brand new one into the slot.

Causing the horn to blow.

Causing the horn to blow, without me touching it.

Startled, I reacted much like any primate would, which was to yell, and push the fuse further into the slot.

At this point, the horn was still blowing, and I was attracting a large amount of attention to myself there in the parking lot of the "Kirkman Shoppes".

I tried pulling it back out, but at that point, it was securely in place, happy to be doing it's job.

And doing it quite well, I may add.

So, after breaking a nail grasping at this stupid thing, I located the incredibly sophisticated "plastic tweezers" that were convienently disguised as a fuse, and was able to get the real fuse out, and cease the blaring noise filling my little corner of central Florida.

The horn stopped, the people stopped staring, and I was relieved.

I have no idea why it's doing this, but perhaps it's because while the horn wasn't working, I repaced the act of pressing it with the act of banging repeatedly on it shouting "STUPID CAR, STUPID CAR, STUPID CAR!!!".

Just a theory.

Before I go, I wanna give a big shout out to all my peeps at Palm Beach Atlantic.

Word, yo.

Um, and stuff...

Be well...


Your Host and Emcee...dizboy.

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