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PrimeTime Duh
Written on 2002-03-15, at 11:45 p.m.
dizboy’s disturbing daily diet…

1 Ham and Turkey Sandwich

2 12oz. Apple Juices

1 Chocolate Brownie

2 Chocolate Cookies

John Live*

In case you’ve forgotten how butch I look in my bandana.

*Not at all live

Rosie O’Donnell is gay.

Hey, and guess what? The sky is blue.

I’ll take “Fairly Obvious Things” for $500, Alex.

And in Diane Sawyer's next exclusive interview:

Strom Thurmond reveals that he’s FUCKING OLD.

Wow, latent profanity in my diary, that’s few and far between.

Savor it.

Well, ok, Rosie’s gay.


Rosie’s gay, and she’s on TV.


Rosie’s gay, and she’s a mother of three.

WHOA…Slow down there slim!

There was a poll recently taken, which showed that something like 18% of the people polled say that they have taken on a negative outlook to Rosie now that she’s come out.

Interesting that these are the same people who have held her up at the seat of morality, and television’s “Queen of Nice” for years.

“We’d just like to commend Ms. O’Donnell on her outstanding contributions to many charities, and for showing the country the archetype of perfect parenting over the years which she’s been on th…what?”

“psst, psst, psst”

“No!…she’s a…?”


And so on.

I had never really cared too much either way about her in the past, but watching this interview last night made me warm up to her for a number of reasons.

So, allow me to be (slightly) serious for a short time, while I tell you why…

First off, I’m a Floridian, and as you may or may not know, here in Florida, we have pretty much the strictest laws banning gay adoption in the nation.

As a gay man, this makes me angry.

As an adopted child this makes me hurt.

I was adopted shortly after I was born (as was my sister, though we’re not biologically related), by two wonderful parents here in Florida. I was adopted very, very young, and have no recollection of anything before them. They are, always have been, and always will be my parents.

I was brought up in a wholly loving environment where I was provided for, and encouraged to do anything I set my mind to.

But right now, there are thousands of children, just in Florida, who are waiting to be adopted. These kids are past the age of awareness. They know what’s happening when they’re moved from center to center, from foster home to foster home. I couldn’t begin to imagine what that must do to someone.

The worst part about the situation isn’t that there aren’t enough parents who want these kids, it’s that the government here in Florida has decided that you aren’t capable of raising a child based on your sexual preference.

A homosexual couple can be just as capable at raising a child as a heterosexual couple can.

And if you try to tell me otherwise, I’ll hit you with a traffic cone.

Because I have one.

Ok, so I won’t do that, but surely, I’ll get all argumentative on yo’ ass.

The other reason that this situation bothers me is that I’d like to have a child someday.

And short of living out the plot of an hilariously zany Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, I’ll be adopting.

I know that the option is there to find a woman who I trust well enough to carry a child which is technically “part of me”, but it’s not about that.

It’s about returning the favor.

Though, if people like Representitive Randy Ball have their way, they’ll be shipping us all off to Key West, far away from anyone under the age of 18, and blowing up the bridge on their way back.

On behalf of myself, and of the educated people of my state, I’d like to apologize to both my readers, and the world on the verbal diarrhea spewed forth by this man last night.

If you didn’t see him, you really didn’t miss much besides an ignorant backwoods “good ol’ boy” being incredibly hypocritical.

Though, I do feel I should explain this man…

Ok…you know how you’ll be watching the news, and they’re on the scene of a fire/tornado/earthquake/Republican Convention, or some other type of disaster?

And, you know how even though there could be twenty-thousand Harvard Ph.D’s milling around, the media always seems to choose the most inbred, slack jawed yokel to speak on camera?

“Yep, I sho’ seent it, I was fixin’ to go shoot me some supper whens I seen this twister down yonder past the field. It was paaan-derrr-lerium, I tell y’all what. I nearly gots kilt by the widow McCleary’s shed flying by when I remembered that GOT-DAMN!, my good diggin’ shovel’s in thar…”

Well, that’s Randy Ball.

Diane Sawyer even said that after contacting the state government, he’s the only person who sought them out to be interviewed on camera, so as to share his witty repartee with the world.

Bottom line is there are thousands of children in this country who need a family.

They don’t care who it is, as long as they’re accepted, and loved.

Most of them would be happy to just have a mommy without a needle in her arm or a daddy without a bottle of booze in his mouth.

So, drop Representative Ball a line, and let him know what you think about his ideas on who’s fit to raise a child, and who isn’t.

Check out the laws in your state, if they don’t allow gay parents to adopt, write your representative, find out why.

I hate that I’m sounding all militant and preachy, but this is something that means so much to me on so many levels, so I felt I should harp on it.

And hey, don’t you all want your kids to grow up reading dizboy, jr.’s diary?

Be well…


Your Host and Emcee...dizboy.

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