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Happy Glue Year!
Written on 2002-02-12, at 1:52 a.m.
dizboy’s disturbing daily diet…

1 Apple Cinnamon PowerBar

1 Pint Orange Juice

1 Big Mac

1 Large Fries

1 Large Coke

John Live*

Thinking…”Why does Diaryland hate me?”

*Not at all live

I know, I know.

It’s been a while.

Well, I have no excuse other than the fact that I’m just lazy.

Well, yeah, lazy….and sort of busy.

Mardi Gras at Universal started last week, so I’ve been busy with that, though that’s no excuse for not updating.

It’s been going very well so far, I like my position, the cast is good, and Universal gave me a phone, a desk, and a pager.

It’s almost like I’m respectable.

The only problem I’m having is that I’m incredibly intimidated by the rest of the management team.

I’m literally the youngest person on this project, and it’s a little nerve-racking at times, because I very much want to prove myself, and not look like “the kid”.

Which I did a very good job of in a meeting on Saturday. Our Stage Manager was discussing who that night’s special guest band would be, and it was “38 Special.”

“Who’s 38 Special?” I asked.

All eyes on the gay.

“They’re a band…”

“From the seventies.”

“Were you even born? When were you born?” they asked.

“Um, 1978.” I said.

“My God, you weren’t even alive when the first ‘Star Wars’ came out, so obviously you weren’t even a twinkle in someone’s eye when 38 Special was popular…”

Which is true, and I know that everything was totally in jest, because that’s the kind of people I work with, which I love.

It did get me thinking…how can I feel so old compared to some, and so young compared to others?

I’m in some sort of age-limbo.

But for some reason, I now can’t shake the vision of me as a mid-thirty-something, running some meeting many years from now…

“Ok guys, tonight our guest talent is going to be NSYNC.”

“NSYNC? Who are they?” some young up-and-comer will ask.

“They’re a singing group, they were popular in the late ninety’s, and the zilch’s (my word for the current decade, I’m sure it’ll catch on.)

At this point, the majority of the table will give each other those “looks”, which convey both the amusement and vexation that dealing with the young can bring.

I will then say…

“Were you even born? When were you born?”

“Um, 1998.” they’ll reply.

“My God, you weren’t even alive when 'Moulin Rouge' came out, of course you don’t know who NSYNC is…”

And the vicious cycle will continue.

Speaking of *NSYNC, my paranoid delusions that they’re somehow stalking me were further solidified during rehearsals for the Mardi Gras parade.

As we went on our site tour, we stopped by the soundstage that we’re using as parade central, to store the floats, costumes, performers, and so forth.

“Yeah, we almost didn’t get this soundstage, we had to move the people who were using it.” I was told.

“Oh really?” I asked. “Who was in here?”

“NSYNC’s been here the last few weeks, rehearsing for the new tour.”

Of course they have, I thought…why wouldn’t they be, I’m here, aren’t I?

“Ah, so they’re gone now, huh?”

“Oh, no…they just had to move next door.” he said, pointing at the soundstage across the breezeway from ours, where a large stage was constructed amongst boxes of equipment stenciled with the letters “NSYNC”, with a lightning bolt through them.

And that’s something that’s extremely difficult to keep the cast away from, as it’s tough enough keeping them all together without the sparkle of having celebrities as soundstage neighbors.

“Oh my GOSH! Is NSYNC next door???”

“Um…no.” I reply.

“But…all those boxes say ‘NSYNC’ on them…and that boy at the hot dog cart looks suspiciously like Justin Timberlake.”

“Well…he’s not…he’s, um, a Teamster.”

“A Teamster? But he doesn’t look surly.”

“Yes, coincidental, isn’t it? Don’t you have beads to throw at people?”

Sigh…maybe they’ll be gone by this weekend.

Oddcellist said to me…

“Happy New Year!”

Referring to the Chinese New Year, which is taking place today.

“Thanks, you too.” I replied.

“It’s your year.” he then said.

Which, it is.

It’s the year of the horse.

I was born in 1978, therefore, I’m a horse.

And this is my year.

My animal is the one that's killed to make Elmers.

When he said “This is your year”, it really made me think.

Hey, this is my year, isn’t it?

This is the year that I can do something more with my life, to get some, well…direction.

Which I don’t really think I have right now.

I’d use the tired analogy of “I’m a boat, with no oars”, insinuating that there’s nothing to help you steer your path.

But as I said…it’s tired.

What about…

“I’m a bra, without any underwire.”

Because the underwire gives support, and keeps things looking up.


“I’m an ass, without any toilet paper.”

Because the toilet paper is delicate, yet tough, and it keeps all the crap off you.

Or maybe, in keeping with my Chinese Zodiac heritage, I could use this…

“I’m a horse, without a saddle.”

Because the saddle holds firmly in place, and supports people….

And hey, it also keeps your thighs from chafing.

Be well…


Your Host and Emcee...dizboy.

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