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It's the Thuper Bowl!!
Written on 2002-02-04, at 12:53 a.m.
dizboy's disturbing daily diet...

1 Order Baby Back, Baby Back, I want my baby back, baby back....Whoa...settle...Ribs. (Guess where they were from?)

1 Order Mozzerella Cheese Sticks

1 Bowl Cinnamon Apples

1 Cigarette


John Live*

Dizboy. Keepin' it real in da hood.

*Not at all live


Ok, here we go kids...dizboy's blow by blow Super Bowl coverage, I'm writing this as it happens, so it'll be just like being here with me.

5:30pm- Pre-game show: Barry Manilow looks a little creepy, sort of like that guy at the food court in the mall who sits by himself and winks at the children.

And when did Wynonna eat Naomi and Ashley? Because that's the only reasoning I can give for her massive weight gain.

Perhaps it was just me, but did the little monochromatic Statue of Liberty children seem sort of an all-American "Children of the Corn?"

P.S.- Patti LaBelle rocks my world.


5:33pm- Cesar arrives, says I look butch.

I'm pretty sure Cesar is blind.


5:40pm- Hey, why don't we all read the Declaration of Independence...
5:45pm- The Founding Fathers just yelled "Huzzah".

How unnecessary.


5:50pm- I believe that the Asian man playing the oboe in the Boston Pops is immortal, as I've seen him in about every one of their performances throughout my life.

Aww...Keith Lockhart's crying.


5:56pm- Three words for you, Mary J. Blige...

Work.

It.

Out.

...Girl.

Ok, four.


6pm- 1st cool commercial...Spider-Man. Toby Maguire wants me.

He just doesn't know it yet.


6:05pm- Cesar, unprompted, during Paul McCartney's performance, says out of nowhere...

"Dude, Osama Bin Laden is so fuckin' insane."

We love him.


6:13pm- Pat Summerall and John Madden bear a striking resemblance to Waldorf and Statler, the old men in the balcony from "The Muppet Show."
6:28pm- Alright, though I still dislike her skanky-ness, Mariah did do quite a good job with the National Anthem, despite that random helium-induced note she belted toward the end.
6:45pm- E*Trade Commercial...Dancing monkeys, always a classic.
6:46pm- The advertising executive's best friend, Cesar, promptly responds to a Bud Light commercial with:

"Hey, I want a beer."

I hope there aren't any Vagisil commercials tonight...


6:50pm- Pepsi commercial, Britney Spears...

Shameful to say, I think it's going to be my favorite commercial.

I especially liked the Britney Spears/Robert Palmer juxtaposition.


7:08pm- I have a new favorite commercial...the Bud Light falcon commercial made me laugh so hard, I thought I'd asphyxiate.
7:28pm- Heh heh heh...John Madden said, "penetration".
7:33pm- Ok, not one to be shown up, Pat Summerall said "Well you know, Lester Hayes has had more sticky stuff on him than that..."
7:55pm- Madden later responds with this gem: “Well that’s one tight end that everybody likes to hit.”
8:05pm- Wow, what a great U2 concert…

I mean…halftime show.


8:30pm- When did Paul McCartney turn black? “I got my tour, we’re goin’ from the west coast, to da east coast.”

Yo.


8:35pm- All parties present for Super Bowl have now become bored and disinterested. I’ve tuned to HBO to await “Sex and the City”, and then to Showtime for “Queer as Folk”. Time it’s taken for us to become bored. 3 hours, 5 minutes.
Oh, yes…to, recap, as they call it in the business…

The Patriots won…a ironic factoid which I’m sure every media outlet will tie in with September 11th.

The best commercial ever was the Bud Light “Falcon Fetching the Beer” ad.

John Madden and Pat Summerall have incredibly homoerotic themes in their commentary.

Carrie Bradshaw is working at VOGUE with Murphy Brown.

“Queer as Folk” tied up yet another episode’s loose ends in a soft core porno way after just fifty minutes.

And I really like wearing a bandana.

Be well…

-JOHN-


Your Host and Emcee...dizboy.

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