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Elves Have Major Wood
Written on 2001-12-20, at 11:39 a.m.
dizboy's disturbing daily diet...

1 Big Mac (with onions, NOT what I asked for)

1 Order Fries (cold, NOT what I asked for)

3 Chalupas (without lettuce, NOT what I asked for)

"John Live*"

Myself and my boyfriend, Orlando Bloom.

Shut up, all of you.

It could happen.

*Not at all live

Last night, or, more specifically, at 12:01AM this morning, I had the pleasure of seeing "The Lord of the Rings".

"But John...your promise...you haven't yet finished the books...You weren't supposed to see it till then..."

I, um...had my fingers crossed.

Anyway, Roy, Cesar and I went to see it early this morning, and loved it, despite the fact that the movie theater, in Florida, feels the need to not turn on the air in a room of 528 people.

It felt like Africa.

If Africa were filled with Jujubees, Blue Raspberry Icees, and stale pretzels, that is.

The movie was great, the effects were wonderful...

But the thing that I took away from this first chapter of an epic series...

Was a massive hard-on for Orlando Bloom, who plays Legolas the elf.

Since leaving the theater, Roy and I have become twisted shells of Elven pornmongers, searching the internet for evidence that he is in fact a slutty homosexual male, who would have woodsy elf-sex with us were we to simply ask.

God, I hope someone does a Google Search for "woodsy elf-sex".

I believe the reasoning behind this lies in the fact that we are both sexually repressed at the moment, as his boyfriend is in Miami, and mine is in my imagination.

Well, I'm consoled in the fact that I'll be able to see him again in the next two films.

And in his upcoming adult film...

"Lord of the Cock Rings."

Be well...


Your Host and Emcee...dizboy.

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