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I was in no Wheel Danger
Written on 2001-11-30, at 12:36 a.m.
dizboy's disturbing daily diet...

2 Quarts of Orange Juice

2 Mini Red Baron Cheese Pizzas

4 Linzer Torte Truffles (from Godiva)

2 Cigarettes


John Live*

The new haircut.

*Not at all live


There are two companies in life that I swear by.

That I live for.

That I sometimes think I alone keep them in business.

These two companies are philosophy, and Toni&Guy.

I have more product from these places in my bathroom than they have in their backrooms...what can I say, I'm addicted.

For example...As soon as I finish this entry, I'm off to take a shower using my new hot salt scrub.

I don't know exactly what it does, or if I need it...

...but it smelled really good, and the lady at Sephora said it was "wicked".

Speaking of which....why do the people at Sephora have only one glove? I feel so uncomfortable when I'm in there, like instead of them helping me, I should be helping them look for their misplaced handwear.

Regardless, I ended up paying a pretty penny for my purchases there this evening, and to make it all worse, I ended up leaving my Godiva bag on the counter, containing my last two truffles.

Ah well, maybe it made their night.

I can just see them, laughing away, picking at my overpriced chocolate with their one gloved hand, hoping I don't return to reclaim it.


I was off today, and I'm off tomorrow as well.

So, to make proper use of my time, I put together a "to-do list" of things I need to, well...do.

1. Clean bathroom.

2. Clean bathroom.

3. No, really, clean your damn bathroom.

And yes, I must admit...it's a cluttered, nasty, mess.

I had been oblivious to it for the longest time, until one groggy morning, as I was preparing to get ready for school, the congealed mass of dead skin which builds up around your bathroom sink said "G'mornin'" to me.


I feel under the weather still, like something I just can't shake. I've been tired a lot, and have a sore throat.

No, less a sore throat, more a lump in my throat.

And yes, I'm quite aware that these are some basic symptoms of mononucleosis, the kissing disease, but doesn't having that warrant your having kissed someone?

And unless you count practicing on my pillow, then all bets are off.

Come to think of it though, that pillow has been staggering in late at night, smelling of cheap detergent, and even cheaper duvet covers.

Anyway, I'm not a licensed medical professional, but I'm pretty sure this all means I'm going to die horribly.


As I was leaving my apartment this evening, I noticed three surly looking men in wheelchairs circling in my parking lot.

This, being an abnormal sight in itself, was made even more strange by the fact that it was 11pm, and that they looked like extras from "Law & Order". You know...the ones Jerry Orbach is always going to for information, with veiled threats like "Well Martinez, you can either tell us what we need to know, or we could take a look at what's going on back there in your kitchen."

Though I've seen a lot of odd things, this definatly went toward the top of the list.

They were just sort of loitering there, doing the occasional wheelie.

So, I assumed that they were either ne'er-do-wells, or they were practicing for the United Way's touring production of "Starlight Express".

I then became a little worried, as there have been a few break in's in the past two months around the area, and wondered if my apartment would be safe with these possible parapalegic prowlers milling about.

Then I said to myself...

"Durr...I live on the second floor..."

Be well...

-JOHN-

P.S.-Make me feel better, and CLIX! me.


Your Host and Emcee...dizboy.

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