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Gingerbread Feces
Written on 2001-11-19, at 11:40 a.m.
dizboy's disturbing daily diet...

11 Hooters Chicken Wings

4 Pieces Celery

John Live*

Does this hat make me look sexy, or just perverted in that Woody Allen sort of way?

*Not at all live

Has anyone seen that new AT&T commercial? It's incredibly depressing.

Let me describe it...

The entire commercial is animated, but in a more "painting" sort of way.

The colors used are all shades of blue and white, and it looks like it was drawn by an inpatient in an asylum.

There is a conversation, apparently between a father and daughter...

Father: Hi honey, I got your E-mail, how are you?

Daughter: I'm ok.

Father: OK ok, or just ok?

Daughter: *long pause* Just ok.

Father: Yeah?

Daughter: But...it's good to hear your voice.

And at the end, the AT&T logo fades in with the slogan "Bringing People Together", or some similar corporate catchphrase nonsense.

Now, taking into account that the dialogue is delivered in an incredibly flat, emotionless, way, this commercial makes me want to hop into the bathtub with a plugged-in toaster under each arm.

The litterbox situation is escalating to catastrophic proportions...tee hee, "cat"-astrophic..

No matter how much I cut back on his feeding, he continues to excrete the same amount as a mid-sized hippopotamus.

Taking a cue from Bath and Body Works, I thought that perhaps an holiday air freshener would help.

"Help" wasn't actually the word, as all it did was replace the scent of cat feces with the scent of gingerbread cat feces.

On the subject of the cat, I'm still convinced that his sole daily purpose is to prevent me from sleeping.


Last night, I'm in bed reading, and I notice the cat wander lazily in from the living room. He hops up on the bed, suddenly stops, turns around, arches his back, his fur goes up, ears go back, and looks ready to defend himself.

He does this toward my door, which is cracked open TO A DARK ROOM.

Once I'm thoroughly terrified as to what sort of harbinger of doom is about to crash through the door in a cloud of macabre fury, he turns back around, walks up to me, and lies down, purring.

I am coming to the realization that I'm a narcissist. The reason I am now accepting this is due to the fact that while throwing on a T-shirt, ratty jeans, my glasses, and a fishermans hat, I paused for a good five minutes to make sure that the third-world, wino, derelict look I was sporting this morning was "just-so".
Oh, in a moment of better judgement, I cancelled the PlayStation 2 order. I figured that now, in this Holiday season of selflessness and giving, that money should be used for other purposes...

Like porn.

Be well...


Your Host and Emcee...dizboy.

Prodigal Son - 11:03 pm , 11.20.06

So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish - 6:41 pm , 05.29.05

The Beginning of the End - 1:15 pm , 11.22.04

Brand Positioning - 2:13 am , 09.20.04

A Pop Culture Case Study - 9:24 pm , 08.26.04

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