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What do you do to a Gobstopper? SUCK!
Written on 2001-10-01, at 10:31 p.m.
dizboy's disturbing daily diet...

1 Cheese Bagel with Sun-Dried Tomato Shmear

2 Crunchy Tacos

1 Pound Assorted Wonka Candies

4 Cigarettes


Yeah, about those Wonka Candies...

I was in Eckerd the other day, and they had 2 1/2 pound bags of assorted Wonka candies for $6 dollars.

Nerds.

Runts.

Shock Tarts.

Bottle Caps.

Everlasting Gobstoppers.

Who could ask for anything more?

And I truly have eaten about a pound today.

The only downsides to that being a purple tongue, and the attention span of Robert Downey, Jr. in a room full of shiny objects.


A friend of mine lost his...um, flower...this past weekend, and in describing his first sexual experience, he put it in such eloquent words...

(Screename changed to protect the previously innocent.)

XXXXXX: and John, I kid you not... I came soooooooo much!

XXXXXX: like porn movie amounts of semen...it was EVERYWHERE!

TresFabuleux: Ok, I HAVE to use that in my diary...no names, of course.

Now, he brought up something later in this conversation that startled me.

He told me that he laughed uncontrollably when he...er...released, would be the word...

Now...um...

I...

I...

I thought I was the only one who did that.

DISCLAIMER: I NEVER write about sex in my diary, so either skip it, or enjoy it while you can, because it's probably all you'll ever get from me.

I have this, odd thing...

At least I thought it was odd for a while, until I found out exactly why it happened...

Whenever I would, um...let's substitute the word that I'm disinclined to say with, let's say "yodel". Yodel, like a mountain climber.

So, after a good, um...romp in the mountains(?), I'll have this amazing, er...Yodel.

And when I'm done Yodeling, I start to laugh.

A lot.

Like, enough to make the other mountain climber a little nervous.

Nervous like I was some Praying Mantis about to bite his head off.

But he needn't worry, I've long had my braces removed.

So anyway, I do seem to laugh quite a bit after yodeling, and thought I was insane for a while.

And because of this, I consulted a Pre-Med friend as to my little...idiosynchrasy.

Turns out, that when a person, yodels, there are a number of endorphins released throughout the body.

Well, turns out, also, that some people have a little bit more endorphins than others.

Some people, being me.

And that larger amount of endorphins must be proscessed, so many times it manifests itself in laughter.

Lots of laughter, with me.

Ok, I grow tired of vague analogies about mountain climbers, moving on.


Speaking of mountain climbers...

Um...that was all I had for a segue.

Anyway, speaking of mountain climbers, I saw something very funny today at school.

The main parking lot, which is called a parking lot only for the fact that cars...park...there...? Ok, I honestly did think I had something really witty to say about that, but, it left me, apparently.

Wonka Shiny Semen Yodel Mountain Parking CARS! That's where I was.

Cars.

The main parking lot at school is surrounded by a small, sparsley wooded area...

Trees.

Hills.

Jeep Cherokees.

What?

There are a few large hills in this area, and as I've mentioned in previous entries, the parking situation at school...

Well, it flat out sucks.

Sucks sucks sucks.

It sucks like the suckiest suck that ever sucked on the Planet Suck.

To suck or not to suck.

Suck.

Alas, poor Yorick, I knew he SUCKED.

And her hump, like a great snow covered suck. "There she sucks!!! The White Suck...The White Suck..."

It was the best of suck, it was the worst of suck.

Hoover.

You couldn't find a space to fit into even if you drove a Calista Flockhart.

Well, some of the owners of those incredibly masculine SUV's have taken a tip from the Advertising Agencies, and brought their love of:

A) The outdoors, and

B) Arriving on time for Academia,

...to new heights.

Literally.

By driving into the woods, and parking on the big hill.

It really does look like they're getting ready to shoot a commercial for the Ford, um...thing...and the Chevy...er, big vehicle...or the Jeep Redskins...

Whatever, I'm not a car person.

But I must say that it was quite amusing to see the Security Guard, who I believe is the last surviving Civil War widow, attempt to work out in her elderly little mind just why there were a collection of moderately priced domestic and imported vehicles atop a "Florida Mountain", aka, a small hill, at our humble little palace of higher learning.

Be well...

-JOHN-


Your Host and Emcee...dizboy.

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