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Donde esta el Mono?
Written on 2001-09-29, at 1:10 a.m.
dizboy's disturbing daily diet...

1 Ham and Salami Sub

3 Oatmeal Cookies

1 Hershey's Kiss (Just one, from the nice receptionist at our Entertainment Offices)

1 Big Mac Extra Value Meal


I had kind of an...annoying experience today.

Let me tell you about it.

So, I'm getting my eyebrows waxed today...

Doesn't everyone?

And I'm making light banter with my waxing girl, who is asking me how my friend is.

I have no idea which friend she's referring to, so I simply make up some story as to how he's ok, and on a top-secret spy mission in the Canary Islands (I don't think she can really understand me anyway).

So that was over, I decide to go into the mall to look for cedar-scented wooden clothes hangers.

Because I don't feel that I'm quite gay enough yet.

Ok, there I am, in a certain department store, in the home section.

"Hello," I say to the saleswoman. "Do you have wooden hangers?"

She looks at me as if I've said "Hello, my name is Chandra Levy, I heard someone was looking for me?"

Then she looks around, and repeats "Hangers?".

"Yes." I reply.

"Oh...you come..."

After which she brings me across the store to someone else, says something in Spanish, and passes me off.

I.

Was.

FURIOUS.

Now, I'm sure that I'll be blasted for this, but...

IF YOU DO NOT SPEAK ENGLISH IN AMERICA YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS DEALING WITH CUSTOMERS WHO DO.

Period.

End of story.

You're options are limited to:

A) Learn the language, or

B) Get a job where you do NOT deal directly with customers.

And even choice "B" is pretty dodgy.

At Disney, after we opened Animal Kingdom, they started stocking the Entertainment ranks with College Interns from Puerto Rico.

Which normally, would be fine.

Disney forgot, however, to ask them if they had a grasp of the English language before they arrived here in Orlando.

So what it came down to was a group of 10-15 people who knew little to no English, which then made others already working there go back to speaking Spanish only.

There were times when Spanish speakers far outnumbered others in the green room, and I felt like an idiot sitting there.

"Well John, if it means that much, you need to go learn Spanish."

No.

I don't.

I speak two languages already, and though I would like to learn Spanish at some point, it should not be a requirement to feel comfortable in my workplace.

So there, blast away at me, because I'm a racist bigot.

I say this only because I've been called that when voicing this opinion in the past.

Oh yeah, and the fact that I started the tradition of calling our Character Base at "Camp Mira-Mira" instead of "Camp Minnie-Mickey".

Maybe that's it.


Having devoted most of my adult life to working for one Theme Park or another, I've been able to experience things that not many people do.

Tonight was one of those times.

Now, I think I can safely say that no one who reads this diary has ever done this, but there may be one or two of you.

I think that most everyone has been to a Theme Park, and a good number of you have been to either a Disney, or a Universal park.

But I doubt that any of you have been there all by yourself, in the middle of the night.

I've done this at every Disney Park, and at both of Universals.

But I hadn't done it for a while, so tonight was very fun.

There's something to be said for the feeling you get when you're just walking down the streets of one of these places, thinking about how there are thousands of people running about during the day, there's loud music, people yelling, food smells, everything.

Imagine walking from Times Square, to Columbus Circle, all alone, with just you.

No one else around.

Totally quiet.

Ok, so on a liiiiiiiiittle less grand a scale, that's what it's like to walk through a park.

Especially Universal, where everything looks so real.

You walk down fake 5th Avenue which runs into fake Rodeo Drive which runs into fake Sunset Boulevard...With all the fake shops and fake cars around you.

"NEW YORK 4, WHAT'S YOUR CURRENT 20?"

Then someone calls you on your Park Radio, and you scream like a little girl.

Forgot the damn thing was on.

Be well...

-JOHN-


Your Host and Emcee...dizboy.

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