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What it feels like for a...Fag?
Written on 2001-09-26, at 12:43 a.m.
dizboy's disturbing daily diet...

1 Bottle Yoo-Hoo

1 Boston Cream Doughnut

1 Charleston Chew

1 Large Chicken Quesadilla


It wasn't until this morning, sitting in the school cafeteria, that I realized just how nasty Yoo-Hoo is.

I mean, I chugged this stuff as a child, so when I saw it being sold on campus, I was all giddy...

I bought it.

Read the instructions...

Shake. (It's Great!)

Open.

Drink and Enjoy.

Spit back into bottle.

Make sour face.

Wonder why you just bought brown water.

Finish doughnut.

I was so disappointed, I felt like a piece of my childhood has just been ripped away from me.

I liken it to being told there's really no Santa, or that there are really people inside the Disney costumes.

Because there are.

I know this.

It's me.

But something from childhood that never disappoints, which coincidentally, I also had today, are Charleston Chews.

Yum.

I could eat the ass outta those things.

Oh my god, I think that's about the dirtiest thing I've ever said on here.

But, I found out that there is much ignorance in the world of Charleston Chew-ers.

Now, right now, as you read this, I want everyone to think of how you're supposed to eat a Charleston Chew.

I'll give you a second.

.....

....

...

..

.

Done?

Now say it.

Exactly! Frozen!

For those of you who did NOT say frozen, what rock have you been under?

My friends this evening, who shall remain nameless (Carly and Cesar), had no idea about this.

Philistines.


Speaking of childhood memories, the other night I was at work, and ended up running into my the person who was my best friend from about 1st-6th grade, whom I haven't seen in over 10 years.

It was VERY odd...he recognized me first, but as soon as I saw him, I knew who he was.

He's in a pretty successful band called Pilots Versus Aeroplanes(go to their site, and buy the CD), which is Rock, like Radiohead, I'm told.

Anyway...it was VERY odd to see him...I guess people themselves don't really change, especially when you've spent so much time with them in the past. Though it took me a second, behind the jet black dyed hair, the earrings, and the multiple tattoos, he was still the same kid I used to play "The Legend of Zelda" with.


This has been a random day as far as my annoyed outbursts.

As I said, I was at school earlier. There I am, walking through the Student Services Building, and there's some Gideons.

Yeah, the hotel Bible people.

I must have walked past them 4 times today, and every time, they're trying to push a little "Mini-me" Bible into my hands.

It got very annoying, they were like religious carnies.

Finally, I was walking by with one of my friends, and one of them says, "Do you want one now?"

I.

AM.

JEWISH!

I yell.

You know those scened in movies where someone yells something in a Mall, Office, etc., and everyone just stops, and gets silent for a second?

Yeah, that was one of those times.

Well, ok, not totally Jewish, just partially, but it doesn't really work if you yell...

DEPENDING ON MY MOOD AND THE FAMILY MEMBER I AM BEST ASSOCIATING WITH AT ANY GIVEN TIME...

I.

AM.

JEWISH.

I would have had to take a breath, and that just throws your whole ranting persona off.


The second outburst of the day came this evening, as my friend and I were walking out of the Student Union.

We were walking down the boardwalk, toward my car, and we pass these three boys, obviously frat pledges, looking very out of place in clothing that doesn't have a beer logo, or something about "NASCAR", on it...

As we pass them, they somehow worked into the conversation:

"At you're not a fag like those two."

"FUCK YOU" I immediately replied, without missing a beat.

My friend, however, did not take it in such stride, he was really taken aback by it. It was the first time that something like that had ever happened to him, and I think it was just too surreal to understand for him.

I saw that he was bothered by it, and I asked him if he'd like to go confront the three, but he declined, thinking it more trouble than it may be worth.

I...I am someone who will stand up for himself regardless of the situation. True, that may one day get me into a lot of trouble, but I don't believe in silence when it comes to something like harassment.

But I must admit, this made me think. About being too comfortable, about people who are ashamed of who they are, and about the general feeling of the populous.

I've always been very secure in who I am, and what I believe in. This is the way I was made, and I don't need to hear anyone try to discourage me, or make me feel that my life is an abomination.

I often think about just what bothers me more, over-testosteronated people who hate me because that's just what they know to do, or the religious and political side, who are all learned, actually have the ability to think critically, and hate me just as much.

I wish I could say that it didn't bother me, but when someone says something like that to you, as my friend Roy put it, "You step back and realize that someone is glad that they aren't you".

And that's something I don't think anyone can take lightly.

The only thing I can tell myself though, is that people like this will always be around, regardless of the general social acceptance. Here we are, 40-plus years after the time of Martin Luther King, Jr., and the African-American Civil Rights Movement, and there are still people who would still mutter "nigger" to someone on the street.

Regardless of what you're fighting for, there's always someone who will stand against you tooth-and-nail, to make you feel small, and insignificant.

What can you do?

Yell "FUCK YOU"?

Well, yes, but that doesn't really do a lot.

Let it go.

Be happy,

Love yourself,

...and don't waste your energy on closed-minded people, they won't change, no matter what you say to them. What's that saying? "You can lead a horse to the urinal, but you can't make him piss"...

...or something like that...

So whether it's coming out to someone you know, debunking some of the queer stereotypes, or just helping someone who might be having trouble with their own sexuality, you're doing something to help.

You see, you don't have to be an activist, just be you.

Be well...

-JOHN-


Your Host and Emcee...dizboy.

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