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Do unto others as you would have them experiment unto you
Written on 2001-09-06, at 1:23 a.m.
dizboy's disturbing daily diet...

1 Sourdough Pizza from Scholotzky's Deli

1 Coca-Cola

1 Bag of Chips (Because I'm all that, AND one)

1 Bag of Popcorn

1 Mysterious Gallon of Orange Juice

More on the juice later.


My school smells like cat urine.

And not like, the minty fresh litterbox cat urine...

The frigging sprayin'-like-a-garden hose-because-I'm-in-heat, kind of cat urine.

Have you ever heard two cats having sex?

It sounds like someone is trying to sing the Lyric Soprano part to Mozart's "The Magic Flute" while gargling bleach and giving themselves an appendectomy with a Salad-Shooter.

I don't know where it was coming from, but the smell lingered all the way across campus (remember, I have to park 29 miles away from my classroom, and hike all the way to the other side of the earth.

Where, again, it still smelled like kitty pee.


I was a Duped Samaritan today.

"John, you mean a GOOD Samaritan."

No, I mean a Duped one.

As I was walking back across campus, I was passing the library, and this girl trips in front of me sending papers and books everywhere.

So, being the nice guy I am, I help her out with them, pick them up, but them back in order.

Feeling pretty darned good about myself.

Now with that behind me, I decide to stop off at the Dance department, partially to say hi to my friend, partially to stare at boys in tights.

After killing a little while there, I set back off toward my car.

Now, there is a girl walking in front of me, talking LOUDLY on her cell phone.

By the way, why do people do that? It's the SAME AS A NORMAL PHONE.

People get on cell phones, and their voice goes to "Foreign Travel Volume".

You know...

WE'RE...FROM...A-MERRRR-III-CAAAA...HOW DO...WE...GET...TO...THE...BURRRGERRR KIIINNNG?

Anyway, I unwittingly eavesdrop on her conversation, and pick up this.

"Yeah, so my study was to see out of 10 men, and 10 women, what the ratio was who would help pick up my books if I dropped them in front of someone..."

Blah blah blah....more words....

WHAT???

I looked.

It was the SAME GIRL.

Apparently I was duped into this act of chivalry by someone doing a science experiment.

I was QUITE upset, and felt like grabbing her books and throwing them to the ground screaming...

"WHERE'S YOUR SCIENTIFIC METHOD NOW??? WHADDYA GONNA DO, GO ALL MADAME CURIE ON MY ASS???"

But, I refrained.


That was pretty much my day at school, besides my Humanities teacher pointing out that my hair was a prime example of the way Mattisse used color in his works.

My hair, as you may recall, is Traffic Cone Orange at the moment.


On Tuesday I went in to "audition" for another year at Halloween Horror Nights at Universal.

Of course, I got it.

And by "I got it", of course I mean I walked in, my old stage manager said "Hey! John! You coming back for another year? Just come sign your 2001 paperwork."

Toughest audition I've ever been to.

And so begins the veritable clusterfrick of events which is known as the ass end of my year.

Every year I do this...and it makes me insane.

You see, this is how it will work out.

I go back to Universal tomorrow (Friday), will do Horror Nights till the beginning of November.

November will lead into Disney, where I'll be singing in the Christmas Candlelight Ceremony through New Years.

All this while still going to school full time, tutoring French, and working at Gap.

Social life...

I think not.

Boyfriend...

What's that?


Apparently, I sleepdrink.

I wasn't quite aware this was a syndrome till this morning.

You see...

Last night, I was really craving Orange Juice.

And not the pre-packaged, frozen goo from concentrate OJ that so many people outside of Florida have come to know.

I'm talking right outta the orange-full of pulp-no preservatives-can still smell the immigrants sweat on the fruit kind of Orange Juice.

The kind I crave at 1am.

So, I ran out and bought some.

A gallon, actually.

And had myself a nice tall glass before bed.

However, when I got up this morning, and went for another nice, tall, glass full...

That was about all there was left.

Unbeknownst to me, I kept getting up last night to drink more and more.

Now, I only slept about 5 1/2 hours last night.

And in that time, I managed to drink a gallon of orange juice.

Good thing I didn't have any Absolut, eh?

Be well...

-JOHN-


Your Host and Emcee...dizboy.

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