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A Sacre-licious Entry
Written on 2001-08-30, at 1:11 p.m.
dizboy's disturbing daily diet...

1 Nada

3 Riens

2 Nichts

1 Neinte

Lots of Nothing.


I almost put K-Y on my toothbrush this morning.

Thankfully I realized it at the last second, and used toothpaste instead.

That would have been disasterous, the toothbrush would keep sliding out of my mouth.

"But John, why is there lube right next to your toothpaste?"

Listen, I don't judge you.


So Math class today...cute 18-year old next to me...

Is talking...

talking...

talking to me...

And all I could do was stare at him and think of all the things I could do with that mouth.

But as I'm fantasizing, the gay filters in my ears allow the phrase "...lived with my ex for two weeks, he treated me like shit..." to slip through.

Well, I must have made a face, because he stopped and said "What?".

"Oh, nothing...I just didn't know you were...yeah".

Ok, I'm gay.

I'm VERY gay...

Why in the world do I have a hard time saying "gay" when talking to people.

So anyway, that opened up a much longer discussion on break (remember, this class is 2 1/2 hours long), and long story short, he gave me his phone number after I drove him home.


So, I'm off to the courthouse now, which I should have done on my way home from school, but I had to put on some overalls, and have a piece of hay sticking out of my mouth, as I must blend in with the crowd there.

I hope my neon orange hair doesn't give it away.

"But John, why are you going to the courthouse?"

Well, my ducklings, it's because I keep attempting to prove that Pavlov's theory was incorrect.

You see, I've been pulled over three times at the exact same spot.


Ok, here's my irregularly updated "Quote of the Day"...

"Those people really have a hard-on for God."

-A girl at school, talking about Capmus Crusade for Christ.

Love it.


Along those lines...this little gay boy got Jesus cookies the other night.

Well, they didn't look, or taste like Jesus...

But during the meeting of the GLBSU...

(Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Student Union.)

...my friend and I went out on the patio to smoke, just as one of the MANY christian groups on campus (Which, for some unknown reason, ALL meet on the same night, on the same floor, in the SAME hall as the queer kids...) were leaving their meeting.

They passed us outside and said, "Hi, would you like some sweets?"

Fighting the fact that that sounded like a terrible pick-up line, I said, "Sure".

So we took some lovely oatmeal cookies, and some Dasani water.

The wierd thing was, the water was in little bottles, not the usual Dasani kind...

So I wasn't quite sure whether to drink it, or sprinkle it on Linda Blair.

I felt really bad too, because not an hour before that, I was making fun of them...doing my impersonation of their group planning a fund raiser dance...

"Hey, it'll have a 70's theme...they can be the Disco Disciples!!"

But I was so excited to have a Jesus cookie, I saved it.

Until I got hungry, then I ate it.


Well, off to frolick with the unwashed masses of Orange County, Florida.

Ooooh...and I'm going to see Margaret Cho tomorrow night at Hard Rock Live.

Excited?

Yes.

I'm shivering with an-ti-ci-...

-...PATION!

Be well...

-JOHN-


Your Host and Emcee...dizboy.

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