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KY and Drain-o and Nair, Oh my!
Written on 2001-08-06, at 2:25 a.m.
dizboy's disturbing daily diet...

1 Bottle Apple Juice

1 Peanut Butter and Jelly on a Bagel

1 Bottle Nestle's Quik

1/2 Bag Lays Bistro Gourmet chips

1 Key Lime Martini(this was about the best thing I've ever tasted...)

Numerous Cigarettes

Wow...And that's all been in the past 17 hours...I should slow down...


There's something to be said for the look on the face of a cashier when you put these things down in front of her...in this order:

1 Pack of Latex Rubber Gloves

1 Bottle KY Liquid

1 Bottle Nair

1 Bottle Maximum Strength Drain-O

1 Nestle's Quik

Without going into TOO much detail, I can tell you that NOTHING on this list was used in conjunction, so get your mind off that track right away.


So, the club.

Last night.


It was really slow, which gave me plenty of time to look around, and observe some of rituals of the gay man.

For Example...

1. No one ever enters a club and goes directly to a specific place...You must circle at least once before committing to a location.

2. Anyone seen wearing the same shirt as you is automatically labeled a cock-sucking whore. Even if it's the Pope.

3. The fag-hag to fag ratio is directly proportionate to the size of the fag-hag.

If "a" = weight of fag-hag, and "b" = number of boys in group, then "a/b" should equal a number closest to "69" without exceeding.

For Example:

If "a" = 240lbs then "b" should equal no more than 4.

Were "a" to equal 115, then "b" will equal no more than 2, as many times those skinny girls cannot keep up with the drinking habits of the gay man.

4. You will always have a silent agreement with your friends that one/all of you will step in as "the boyfriend" when another is in distress. Distress defined as:

a. Being "grinded on" by anyone wearing overalls and no shirt.

b. Being courted by someone wearing a Generra "Hypercolor" shirt.

c. Being intoxicated and making out with ugly boys. (This last one is tough, as there is some acting involved, as subject may resist as is usually unaware of gross physical deformities)

5. You will give dirty looks to anyone your friend(s) hook-up with, then proceed to badmouth them over a light brunch the next day.

6. No matter how sparse the dance floor, it will go from empty to packed within 1 1/2 seconds of "Lady Marmalade". (Madonna, Cher, and Whitney Houston are all acceptable substitutions.)

7. You will get lost trying to find that after hours party, become frustrated, and go home to drink alone.

8. The first person to give the valet their claim ticket will inevitably be the last to recieve their vehicle.

9. When the house lights finally come up, watch out. It's like cockroaches scattering.


10. At 3am, Denny's food is always "SO good..."

Be well...


P.S.- This was the all important entry number "42", for anyone who is a fan of "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy", so I hope it was a good one...

Your Host and Emcee...dizboy.

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