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110 in the Fitting Rooms
Written on 2001-07-30, at 1:15 a.m.
dizboy's disturbing daily diet...

1 pack Rolo's

1 (You guessed it) Peanut butter and Jelly on a cinnamon crunch bagel (and yes, I have had cream cheese and jelly, heaven...)

1 Bag of Chips

1 BBQ Chicken Sandwich (from where? Cheesecake Factory!)

1 (count it, ONE) Cigarette (but the one was from a pack that I bought, just because I only wanted one)


This was a long day.

This was also the day that I strutted my stuff on the catwalk.

But we'll get to that.

I woke up all groggy, as you can tell by last nights entry, I was a tad drugged up due to a migraine.

After a quick shower, I slipped into my super cute outfit for work, including my new 2x2 Ribbed Sweater (this is foreshadowing, remember it).

Driving into work, I saw something very very odd, and told myself to remember it to put in my diary.

I only told myself this because I thought it was hilarious.

As I sped down the expressway, (CALL ME NAW FO YOUR FREE PSYCHIC READIN'....I love that commercial) I noticed something in the grass.

It looked like someone had either had a foam party on a mile stretch of the 408, or there was an incredibly gory teddy-bear massacre.

I couldn't figure out what it was, but it looked like stuffing.

I guess the idea of someone brutally murdering hundreds of teddy bears struck me as funny, because I laughed the rest of the way to work.

Work itself was a trip. We were supposed to have a visit from our Regional Vice President today, so we had about a thousand employees on the floor cleaning, straightening, helping, ad nauseam. Well we ended up having someone there who was brand new, and who got to train him?


Turns out he's working there part time, and he's a fireman.

I wonder how big his hose is.

So we're all on the edge of our seats, waiting for this VP to show up, but no one seemed to know where he was.

All day I was getting phone calls like this:


ME: Thank you for calling The Gap at Fashion Square, your fahion denim authority, this is John, how can I help you today? (Yes, we REALLY do have to say all that.)

SUSAN: Hey John! It's Susan! (The general manager of Park Avenue Gap.)

ME: Hey girl, what's up?

SUSAN: We're all nervous, do you know where Tom (The VP) is?

ME: No, what have you heard?

SUSAN: Well, he was at Florida Mall at Noon, then at Altamonte, but he left there at 3:30, but not headind toward Seminole.

ME: Geez, this is like tracking a hurricane.

SUSAN: Oh John, you're so funny, I wish you were straight, we'd run off and have many wonderful children together. But alas, you're gay, and any man should cherish and revel in the fact that he's allowed to have you. (Well, that's what I HEARD, but what she actually said was: "Ok well, let us know if he shows up.")

So, round 3pm, I noticed it was a little warm.

By 3:30, a little warmer.

By 4pm, my nipples were melting.

By 4:30, all the candles in the store spontaneously lit on their own.

You see, our A/C unit broke.

Now, I'm going to let you in on a little secret.

In the summer....Florida gets kinda hot.

The heat index (that's with the humidity added) outside today was 107F.

The temperature in the store?


Remember that sweater I was wearing?

Yeah, thanks.

So it's 1000 in the store, we have more people than animals were on the ark, and the bastard VP doesn't even bother to come by. So my manager and I all day were the modern versions of Vladamir and Estragon, waiting for our Godot, who true to his character, didn't show up.

We had a new girl working with us today too.

Well, she wasn't new, she was a transfer.

But anyway, her name is "Phanessa".

Sweet girl, but.........what?

She said it was Greek.

I say it's odd.

I guess there was a national shortage of "V's" when she was born.

So anyway...I bought two belts today.

Because they were cute.

I think in my life I had owned three belts total.

Since I've worked at Gap though, I've been hoarding them like cans of Chef Boyardee during a nuclear holocaust.


Tonight was my fashion show.

I was a supermodel stud.

Well, until I walked the wrong direction.

Not that anyone would have known had I not told them, but it shot my confidence.

Though, walking out there 1/2 naked in front of my District Manager, all the Districts General Managers, every sales Supervisor, and all the 300+ Gap associates was a tad vindicating...The fashion director for the show zipped the shirt I was wearing 1/2 up, and 1/2 down (2 zippers).

"Let's see that little ring in your belly button, get out there and work it, WORK IT..."


But it was fun, everyone said I looked fierce, which is good, I think...these kids and their kooky catch phrases...

After the show we were subjected to little speeches, and cheesy skits done by some of the other stores in the area.

Oh, by the way, it was about 110 in the auditorium where we had the meeting. So my day of inhumane heat didn't end with my store's closing.

So, we're sitting through the skits, and my best friend Danny and I are making nasty little comments about all the people in the room, about the skits, and generally being awful by quoting AbFab.

Think Waldorf and Statler (The two old men from in the balcony from the Muppet Show) only, young, gay, and sweating.


Afterwards, we went to the Cheesecake Factory for dessert.

But none of us got dessert.

How odd.


So now I'm at home, ready to go to bed, hating myself for buying that pack of Marlboro Lights, just for ONE cigarette.

Oh well...

Would they question Kate Moss?

I don't think so.

Be well...


P.S.- I had a nice chat with Kerry (DreamingKW) tonight...and promised him I'd mention him in my entry tonight, so....HI!!!

Your Host and Emcee...dizboy.

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