Old E-Mail Diaryland
New Profile Guestbook
I should use my powers for good, OR, How I killed Mariah Carey (sort of)
Written on 2001-07-27, at 1:37 a.m.
dizboy's disturbing daily diet...

1 Peanut Butter and Jelly on a Cinnamon Bagel (notice a trend?)

1 Whopper Meal from BK (no onions, of course)

And that's all...pretty healthy, eh?

_____________________________________________________

Mariah Carey entered a hospital Wednesday night for treatment of "extreme exhaustion," according to her publicity firm.

"I'm trying to understand things in life right now and so I really don't feel that I should be doing music right now." Mariah Carey

I am....

...a TERRIBLE person.

I mean, I never knew the sheer power I wielded. It's frightening.

On one hand, I'm glad that she's out of commission for a while, on the other, I feel a little twinge of guilt that I have singlehandedly brought down an iconoclastic figure.

Now I'm scared to even make a passing comment on someone...

"Oh, Tim? I don't like him..."

BANG

Tim dies in a horrible plane crash.

While he's bicycling.

"Lori, yeah, she's a bitch."

BOOM

Lori is attacked by rabid squirrels whilst picking up the morning paper.

Don't get me wrong, the deathwatch will most certainly continue, I mean...she's gotta go sometime, eh? I'm just keeping tabs on it...

...right?

_____________________________________________________

So I had my final exam today, which turned out to be a self evaluation essay, and nothing more.

This professor likes to screw with your mind.

i.e.- She gave us a True/False test once, where every answer was "True" with the exception of the 2nd-from-last one.

Sadistic?

Yes.

Funny.

Very.

So anyway, when we were done with the essay, we were to take it to her office, and drop it off.

So I did.

I'm waiting in line, as everyone drops off their essay, she says "good-bye" and that's it...

I get to the door, however, and she says...

"Ah, John, come in, close the door."

Shit.

What did I do?

Turns out I had done nothing wrong, unless being queer is bad...Which apparently is isn't.

"I wanted to comment on your honestly and candor the past 2 semesters (I've taken 2 of her classes). It's a rare occurrence in this day and age, and especially in an academia setting, to have someone so comfortable with their sexuality be so outspoken, and willing to take on dissenters."

Umm....

Ok, well, I guess I should tell you how I act in class...

I don't take shit.

Period.

. <---Period.

I'm not some neo-revolutionary queer (I think I just made that up) or anything, but, if there's one thing I don't take well to, it's ignorant people.

And boy, is Orlando full of 'em.

If someone in my class happens to make a comment, not about me, per se, but a homophobic remark in general, like "That's so gay", or reacting like a child when they hear that the author we just read was gay...I take no time in calling them out onto the carpet.

Many teachers have spoken to me in private about not doing that, but then things like "lawsuit", and "sexual orientation discrimination" come into play, and they usually shut up.

What they don't usually know, however, is that much like Tom Cruise's character in "Born on the 4th of July", I haven't a leg to stand on.

You see, Florida...yes, great, sunny, Florida, is the very LAST of the so-called "metropolitan" states (New York, Texas, California, Illinois, Florida) to not include equal protection for sexual identity.

I mean, come on, TEXAS, for gods sake.

The state where "queer" is usually in the same sentence as "get the rope, Paw".

But I digress...

So, she goes off on this whole "glad you're gay" thing (She's a retired licensed psychoanalyst, she teaches for "fun") for a few minutes, and asks if I have any big plans for the rest of the summer.

"Um, not really, working, and New York for a little, that's about it." I said...I was still quite taken aback by the conversation.

And then she blindsided me...

"And are you partnered?"

I had no time to think about this...

"Partnered?"

I've never really thought about it like that.

I mean, "partnered"....It makes it so much less sexual, it makes it like, like....

Like squaredancing.

And since my do-see-do is quite rusty, I responded to her query (ha ha, get it? "query"? haha...fine, it made ME laugh.) with a simple...

"Oh, no..no.."

There was more to the conversation, but I lost it, I was thinking about the question...I mean, where did it come from? It was so random, like waking up, and finding a cow showering in your bathroom.

Ok, bad example, but visualize...with a little shower cap on, trying to clean that little spot on their back where.....

Ok, that was totally irrelevant...what I want to get to is...

MARIAH CAREY IS IN THE HOSPITAL AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT.

Oh well.

Worse things have happened.

Like New Coke.

_____________________________________________________

One more thing, then you can go...

I was dressing mannequins tonight at work, and was finishing one, about to start on the next, when this guy who could only be described as cro-mangron on a good day comes up with...

"Hey, izzat the new Gap thing? Naked? HUHUHUHUH..."

I had about had it with people that night, so I grabbed a baseball cap, pinned it over his naughty bits (the mannequin, not the idiot, though I would have liked to shove a large needle into his urethra. Ok, any male with a hard on just LOST it....Why would anyone have a hard on reading my diary? Ok, I'm not going to pursue this avenue...) and said...

"NO, actually we're going for the Garden of Eden look this season."

I hate stupid people.

If you're stupid, don't sign my guestbook.

But I know that anyone who reads my diary must equate to a mental giant, dwarfing Stephen Hawking and his sooped up wheelchair of death, so you all may sign it.

Right then, I'm off...going to see Planet of the Apes tomorrow...should be fun.

Be well...

-JOHN-


Your Host and Emcee...dizboy.

Prodigal Son - 11:03 pm , 11.20.06

So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish - 6:41 pm , 05.29.05

The Beginning of the End - 1:15 pm , 11.22.04

Brand Positioning - 2:13 am , 09.20.04

A Pop Culture Case Study - 9:24 pm , 08.26.04


Tired of waiting for me to update? Want to know when I do?
Then sign up for my NotifyList:

email:

Clix!

Far / Near