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A Drive-By Farting
Written on 2001-07-11, at 4:45 a.m.
Stock people are bitter.

At least many of the ones that I work with.

Well, not Jesse, but there's no use singling her out of other stockpeople since she is content with smoking pot till Snoop Dogg has to tell her she may have a problem.

Anyway.

Stock people are bitter.

I go out of my way to avoid them. I'm a visual person. I do all the happy fun things that they wish they could do. I have my hands up childrens pants while they open boxes. Fake children, mind you.

Perverts.

Where was I?

Oh yes...

Stock people are bitter.

Let me give you an example of my disgust for most of them...

I went back to the stock room tonight just so I could fart and blame it on stock people.

It's my own little form of revenge, and I had Taco Bell for dinner, so boy did I take it out on those trolls.

Have you ever farted out of spite? If not, I highly suggest it. They tend to be the most rewarding of all flatulent expultions. Try it next time you're mad at someone. Wait till they're about to walk toward a group of people, then casually swift by, and let one go. You really have to be careful that it is a stealth fart though, you don't want the whole plan to backfire on you. Backfire. I like it when I'm funny without realizing it. So yeah...sneak by and let it loose. A drive by farting. If you're a REAL pro, you can be IN that group of people that the person you dislike so much is approaching, and time it just right as to where your released smell, and their arrival coincide.

I've just spent the last 7 minutes of my life talking about farting.

And I have the balls to ask myself why I don't have a boyfriend.

Anyway...Bitter stockers...

I mean, I really don't think this is unfounded. It seems whenever I went back there tonight, they all gave me a look which said "Ya ain't from 'round these parts, is ya, pretty-boi?"

And the fact that they managed to spell boy with an "i" with only a look is a benchmark of their hate. (P.S.- I hate that stupid "boi" thing, gay people are nerds).

Anyway, enough about the stock people...I didn't even realize how much they had bothered me until I was on the way home.

_____________________________________________________

I have this massive assignment due in a week. I have not researched a thing about it. The topic of the presentation is "The Church of Scientology". This, I know nothing about...so, I take the logical approach.

"The Church of"

That's easy...it tells me it's a church. Not too tough.

"Scientology"

Ok...let's break this down...

The root word is "Science". Got that.

"-ology"

Well that's easy...that's the suffix which means "the study of".

So, with fervent conviction I can decipher that The Church of Scientology is the church which is dedicated to the study of people dissecting earthworms.

What a strange world we live in.

Be well...

-JOHN-


Your Host and Emcee...dizboy.

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