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"Ode to Heterosexuality"
Written on 2001-07-07, at 10:43 p.m.
"Ode to Heterosexuality"

Who would I be if I lived a straight life?

I'd have two point five children, and a lovely straight wife.

I'd work with straight tools, like a hammer and chisel, and not weep for my hair should the rain start to drizzle.

I'd eat a straight meal, I'd drink a straight drink. I'd not call the plumber, I'll fix my own sink.

I'd drive a straight car, like a truck or a van. I'd walk a straight walk, I'd act like a man.

On Sundays, of course, it's football and beers. Not brunches and facials, that's best left to queers.

Straight sex with my wife would be such a delight, two, three, FOUR minutes! Who's on Leno tonight?

I'd do all these things, I'd do them quite well. I'd make myself straight, so I won't go to hell.

I'd do it, I swear, I'd find that straight voice! I'd do it but OH!!!...

...It isn't a choice.

Your Host and Emcee...dizboy.

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