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"Masochism and Espionage"
Written on 2001-07-06, at 9:54 p.m.
"Masochism and Espionage" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Masochism and Espionage"
Hmm...this is my first entry. I'd better make it good. God...the pressure. It's about 10pm, EST, and I have to be up and about in 6 hours. But...that's 4am you say. Yes. It certainly is. I have a problem, you see...it's a rare psychological disorder called "Employee Sado-Masochism Disorder". The long and short of it is that I seek out employers who will use me, run me ragged, work me so that I begin to envy Kathy Lee's little Vietnamese slaves, and give me very little in return. The two shining examples of this would be my dual employment with both Walt Disney World, and The Gap. However, the one which I speak of tonight would be The Gap. Don't get me wrong, It's a good job, very fun, 50% off, lots of hotties walking around 1/2 naked in the dressing rooms. Throw in a soundtrack a la Madonna, and you have the gay males idea of heaven. But working from 6am-10pm on a Saturday...well, it's not exactly fellatio and ice cream now, is it? Anyway...so today I had been at work for oh, 10 minutes when there was a phone call for me. Someone from the Orange County Public Works Department had found my wallet on the corner of South St. and Bumby. For all you who don't know Orlando, (and I suppose this is many) this is the corner of the notorious nightclub, "Southern Nights". A club where I happened to be in attendance that very evening. So somehow, Buddah only knows...The large part of my wallet ended up lying in the middle of the street. This is odd for a few reasons: 1) I don't take my wallet into clubs with me, I have a little billet that I take out with my spare key, drivers liscense, and credit cards in it. 2) I DISTINCTLY recall taking my whole wallet out of my pocket, removing the small part, and tossing the wallet back into my bag. 3) There is no third reason, but the first rule of effective speaking is to back up all arguments with at least three facts. At least it's pleasing on an asthetic level, if not an esoteric. So this nice man, Dave (call him if you're in Orlando and are having troubles with road drainage) found my wallet, and tracked me down using my Gap Associate ID card. I was so happy, though at the time I had no idea the wallet was even lost. I was all ready to thank him, and get his address, so I may send him a thank you card/gift/stripper or otherwise. However, when I got to the office...nothing...like, really...nothing...the receptionist was missing, though her sweater still hung there, making me think she either has low iron, or no one's sat there since the winter. The rest of the building was TOTALLY empty. It was very eerie...I wandered about, shouting "Hello...hello..." but no one answered me. I even went so far as to read a memo on someones desk, because karma states that the second you start nosing into something, is when someone will catch you, so I thought being branded an agent of industrial espionage was a small price to pay for my wallet. Alas, I wasn't caught, but ask me in private sometime about Lake Mary's drainage problems...I think this goes all the way to the top. Eventually I wandered home, sat around for about an hour, and when I returned, people were milling about the place as if they hadn't all been hiding from me earlier. I got my wallet back, and all was right with the world. Besides that and work, dining at Wendy's was my day. Nothing too exciting, besides my foray into counter-intelligence. Ah well...now I have to be up in 5 and 1/2 hours. Be well.... -JOHN-

Your Host and Emcee...dizboy.

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